Get Drunk and Hide Your Pants

In the morning you'll wake up without your pants on. If you drank enough, you'll only remember that you've hidden them, but not where, so now it's hide-and-seek with a vital part of your wardrobe in the fifteen minutes before work. Good luck!

Mokalus of Borg

PS - They're in the dryer.
PPS - You're going to be late this morning.

Follow the white rabbit

Something I wish I could do is go back and see The Matrix again for the first time. On a big screen. That would involve some kind of amnesia ray, and unfortunately we only have two types of those. One is has a caliber rating and works by destroying your memories with very fast-moving pieces of hot lead, while the other is likely best wielded by Icepick Freeman. The point is this: The Matrix, when I first saw it, got so many things so right that it was impossible not to love it. The well-choreographed fight scenes had me leaving the cinema feeling not aggressive but powerful, like I could punch through steel and jump six metres in the air. I had rock music flowing through my veins and the whole world moved in slow motion. I could have dodged bullets if the need arose.

What got to me most about The Matrix, though, were the ideas. There's this whole world created as a thin disguise to keep a human population alive and deluded. When Morpheus told Neo that his eyes hurt "because you've never used them before", I got chills. Of course, a human body actually makes a lousy battery, and you still need to feed it. I've heard the theory advanced that keeping humans captive in this world is their revenge for being forced to store and display terabytes of pornography to spotty teenagers and sad middle-aged men, not for power generation. Whatever their motivation, it was done.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I don't know how much I knew in advance about the movie.
PPS - Probably very little.

It's Alive!

A while ago I wrote about Urban Dead, a "browser-based, grid-mapped, free-to-play multi-player game where you play the survivor or victim of a zombie outbreak in a quarantined city centre". I'd been playing as a zombie thus far, smashing barricades and generally attacking people as I encountered them. I would often come back to the game to find myself dead, which is just a minor setback for a zombie.

Now I came back to find that someone had raised me from the dead to a fully alive state, dragged me inside a building, and handed me a GPS device. At least, I think that's what's happened. It could easily be a bizarre bug. The problem is that I'm not sure how to be alive in this game. I need to seek shelter before my turn ends, or else I'll be attacked on the outside and left for dead again. All the buildings are heavily barricaded to prevent anyone from getting in, so I'd need first to clear the barricades, then get inside, then barricade the doors again. Maybe I'll just stay put for a while, listening to that GPS device beep.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Being alive in a city full of zombies is much more stressful than being undead.
PPS - I doubt zombies have many problems with stress.

Artificial

AI often turns out to have a weakness that can be exploited. An oversight on the part of the designer. A blind spot. Of course, *real* intelligence never succumbs to that, does it? ;)

No, the difference between weaknesses in AI and weaknesses in RI ("real intelligence") is that RI beings can learn to recognise areas of weakness and determine to plug the holes autonomously. AI usually needs external patching, which only serves to shift the holes. The fact that game AI has been routinely outsmarted by the communities of players demonstrates the intellectual superiority of RI over AI.

The design goal of "AI that can detect and overcome its own weaknesses" is very simple to state, but so broad as to be meaningless. Naturally it would have a different meaning in particular game universes, but it is still too broad to design for.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Game AI is becoming less important as we hook up real people to one another.
PPS - Perhaps one day it will be gone entirely.

The Sunday Mok - Fire on the hills

Last Sunday I spent the whole day with Deb. We weren't always doing anything together, but we were around each other from morning to night. I also installed my new DVD burner.
On Monday I realised that I hadn't seen any of my usual bus companions in some time, and I hadn't been reading anything on the bus either. I used to do that when I rode alone. Bible study in the evening.
On Tuesday I felt a bit lethargic in the afternoon and decided to have an early night after karate and dinner. I felt hot, too, probably because of Spring.
Wednesday morning felt great after the early night. I really should do that more often. I watched White Chicks and Wimbledon at Deb's. I preferred Wimbledon, and I'd seen it before.
I sat outside and did some reading on Thursday at lunchtime, until it got too hot. It was hotter when I got back home than in the city, though, even in the afternoon. That's because the hills were on fire. It happens every few years.
On Friday Yan and I did an informal demonstration of the database for the mechanical engineers. In the evening we took the youth group kids to Suncorp Stadium to see the soccer and unexpectedly bumped into Miv and Julia. I say "unexpectedly" only because it's a big place - a soccer game is a very normal place to find Miv.
Saturday involved a meeting in the morning (as is the new routine), some swimming and seeing The 40 Year Old Virgin, which is a very silly movie, but funny. I laughed.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I kept forgetting Steve Carrell's name.
PPS - I suspect we'll be seeing lots more of him soon.

Shotgun

Something that really (and I mean REALLY) bugs me is the slang use of the word "shotgun". Sometimes it is used correctly - to call the front seat on a car ride. That's the shotgun seat. It's called "riding shotgun". It's from way back when, driving a wagon, there used to be the driver for the horses and a guy with a shotgun who sat beside him. Holding a shotgun, sitting beside the driver. That's what it means. "Front seat".

So every time I hear someone say "shotgun" to call something else like, say, the last piece of pizza, the best toy, a position in a queue or, worst of all, *not* having to do something, the little rage hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Read the following phrases, mentally replacing the word "shotgun" with "front seat" and tell me if it's stupid:
"Shotgun the good couch"
"Shotgun not"
"Shotgun being on Dave's team"

I know that popular use becomes correct by definition, and we say lots of things that would sound stupid to our ancestors, like "dirt" (was originally "drit"). The point is that I'm here right now and I know what it means. You're saying "front seat" all the time when you're calling things, and as long as I know this is true and keep hearing it, it's going to irritate me.

I've heard someone try to explain it away by saying something like it's an imaginary threat with a shotgun, but this was clearly a justification he had formulated long after he heard the phrase and started using it. He didn't learn it anywhere, he "figured it out" himself by noticing that he was wielding the word "shotgun" to get things, much as you would if you had an actual shotgun.

From now on, I refuse to listen to anyone who uses the word "shotgun" to mean anything except "passenger seat".

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Or an actual shotgun.
PPS - I seem to have more pet peeves than I once realised.

Blamments

I wonder if blog comment spambots stop trying at a place that produces extremely low click-through rates, like my blog? I only got one spam comment today, as opposed to two the previous days.

What would work for me is a moderated system where I approve a comment before it goes live, because I get so few comments. That wouldn't work for larger sites unless the moderation was distributed over many people.

There's a way on the web designed to keep automatic trawlers at bay, called the Robots Exclusion Protocol. Email address harvesters obey it because of a "honeypot" script that's in place on several sites that presents them with as many fake email addresses as they can handle, with a little "robots keep out" sign on the door. When they disobey that sign, they become worthless.

Blogger already disallows robots from using the comment-making page, which means that all my blamments are coming from misbehaved robots. In other words, it is still worth the spammers' while to ignore the robots exclusion protocol. That's what has to change. I suggest meaningless depths of empty, functionless comment pages that lead to further comment pages and more and more, deeper and deeper, all the while achieving absolutely nothing.

When the spammers find their bots blindly following links and trawling around completely pointlessly, costing bandwidth and achieving nothing, suddenly the bots are a liability, not an asset, because bandwidth costs money (and even if you're not paying for it directly, wasted bandwidth is lost income). Then it becomes worthwhile to obey all the "robots keep out" signs on the web.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I've been thinking about this a lot over the past few days.
PPS - Perhaps too much.

Drum solo

I like to make a little noise when I get bored, or otherwise fidget with objects in my general vicinity, or make noise by fidgeting. I can see how this would be an annoying habit.
One of the habits I find most irritating in others, though, is people who hiss through their teeth relatively tunefully instead of whistling. I'm sure you've encountered "hisslers" before. Somehow it just grates on me, as if they got halfway to learning how to whistle and stopped there.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I tend to stew about these things silently.
PPS - Except for broadcasting my distaste to the world like this...

A new toy

I now - finally - can connect to computers in the other office from here, including my own desktop. In theory, at least, this should mean that I never have to take that ten minute walk up the hill again just to debug software or check some settings. This is how the world should be, and I'm inordinately excited about it when things like this just work.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I'm particularly grateful for this just in time for Spring.
PPS - 'Cause it's getting kind of hot now, and that walk is less appealing every day.

What's that got to do with the price of eggs?

I'm overhearing a conversation now that's been going on and off for about an hour whose main points are as follows:

• The price of oil has gone up by X dollars per barrel
• The price of petrol at the pump has gone up by 0.30AUD per litre
• That's all we know
• Based on these two related price increases, we can work out at least a theoretical relationship between the two
• That's not enough information to deduce anything at all

The various points are being made by two people with slightly different wording each time. They're not going to agree. Even though one is attempting to get his point across without being agreed with ("The prices are related"), the other is not giving any ground ("You just don't have enough information").

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I think they might have agreed to disagree now.
PPS - That basically means they stop talking and keep thinking they're each right and the other is wrong.

Cannon fodder

The problem with the henchmen of evil overlords is that they might not be that evil themselves, but they're first in the firing line. You've got to kill a lot of people of dubious morality before you get to the true Dark Lord, and that's exactly the way the evil ones like it. If the king himself is there in the front line of the opposing army, you have to ask yourself if your own emperor, back in the Big Black Tower Of Perpetual Darkness And Suffering, is really as good a person as he claims.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Then again, a battlefield is perhaps not the best place for philosophy.
PPS - Wipe out the opposition with the Doomsday Device, then make an appointment with the emperor.

The Sunday Mok - Evens Out

Last Sunday I went to church in the morning, as I usually do on a Sunday. After lunch I took a nap and did some Disciple readings. For dinner, Dad decided to use some potato gnocci instead of our more usual rice or noodles. That's the first time I've tried it, too. An unusual texture.
Monday at work took two ten minute walks back to the other office just to debug some software. I asked the helpdesk guys if there was a way I could do it remotely. Apparently I have to wait until this Monday for someone who can handle that task. I played City of Heroes a bit, too. I haven't been playing as much recently, due to changed free time priorities.
On Tuesday I moved back to my small desk to make room for Graeme who just got back from a long holiday. At least they gave me an LCD monitor this time to maximise my limited desk space. At karate we worked hard on upper body strength, and I was still sore on Saturday. Clearly I need to work on it some more.
Wednesday night I went around to Deb's and we watched Pitch Black, one of my all-time favourite movies. Deb quite liked it, too.
I got a DVD burner on Thursday and haven't quite had time to install it yet. I'll do that this afternoon. I also saw Serenity. Excellent movie in a very Joss Whedon style: snappy dialogue and well-choreographed action. Loved it.
On Friday afternoon I discovered that the bottle of milk I bought on Thursday afternoon had been used up from the work fridge. It did have my name on it, so a lot of people either ignored it or didn't see. We watched Coach Carter at youth group.
I went for a run on Saturday after breakfast, and I felt a bit unfit. I had to walk some sections and cut the whole thing short. I went to a Youthworx planning meeting, then washed my car and went shopping with Deb. After dinner, we went to Bridgit's for a movie night, where we watched Varsity Blues.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Picking up the pizza on Saturday was delegated to me.
PPS - This is despite the fact that I didn't eat any.

I also hate the crazy frog

Another reason I hate mobile phone ringtones: people have phones here at work and sit them on their desks. In that position, they can answer immediately, but some people are often away from their desks, which means the phone can ring as much as it wants and it will not be answered. So, my problem is mostly a people problem: you're either so close that you could hear your phone on vibrate anyway or you're too far away to do anything about it.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - For your own safety, switch your phone to a silent mode while in the office.
PPS - Otherwise someone might snap and try to murder you.

The good kind of priceless

The vending machine just gave me $2 of change from $2 after I purchased a can of Pepsi MAX. I guess I'm the one millionth customer or something.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Either that or it's just my lucky day.
PPS - Could be both.

I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours

Most of our financial transactions rely on trading secrets that are, as a result, not that secret. How many people, agencies and companies have your credit card number on file? Can you get it back if they abuse it? No, you can only stop it completely, then get a new number and give that out to everyone you *do* still trust. You shouldn't have to trust anyone like that - they should make requests of your account that is kept under your control.

Requests would be denied by default, except where you have explicitly noted that a request is expected. Regular requests could be set up to be accepted automatically, but when something bad happens to a regular request (eg it is six times the size it should be and starts happening every hour instead of every month) then it can be cancelled with no adverse effect on other transactions. Naturally there would be a "speed limit" on regular requestors, so they can only extract cash at a previously agreed maximum rate.

Of course, I know people would mess it up. Legitimate requests would be denied all too often, simply because Grampa forgot to tell the bank that it was expected. Still, that's better than Grampa losing his life savings just because someone finds out his credit card number.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It makes sense to me.
PPS - Lots of nonsensical things do, though.

Imposing assumption

Some people refuse to check email based on the idea that if it was really important, you'd call. I wonder how people would react if you said you refuse to answer your phone because if it was really important you'd come in person?

I understand the temptation. In these days of information overload, it would certainly be nice to say "no" and just close off one of the most polluted information streams coming my way, but I can't. I rely too much on it. To pare it down to a useful trickle rather than a river of refuse, I just need a reliable way to indicate what is actually interesting to me so I can ignore the rest.

Now if only I could do the same with my phone.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I already refuse to answer "Private Number" calls.
PPS - If you don't want me to know who you are, I don't want to hear from you.

It's not very musical at all, actually

Today we're playing musical desks again. I have been moved back to my small desk, but in a new location. Someone neglected to tell me exactly where it would be. My phone is still on the old desk, too, but I can't say I'll miss it. On the plus side, I have a new LCD monitor as a concession to the fact that my desk is just too small for a traditional CRT.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I no longer have room for the plant Linda gave me last night.
PPS - I hardly have room for my own elbows.

They lower stress

Sometimes I think it might be nice to have office pets hanging around, like a ship's cat or something. Of course then we'd get arguments about whose responsibility it is and whether we can swap the cat for a dog or vice versa. The people with allergies would demand its removal and the others who never see it might ask to be moved closer to its usual territory.

The general point is that we go to some significant lengths to create a sterile, dehumanised working environment, then wonder why our workforce is stressed.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I advocate a friendlier work environment whenever possible.
PPS - That means personal touches.

The Sunday Mok - Mystery Illness

Last Sunday we had one service at the Uniting Church at 11am rather than one in the morning and one in the evening. That left the evening technically free for a surprise birthday party for Renè. Before I heard about the party, my plan was to go to Ashgrove Baptist for the evening service.
On Monday I started feeling sick in the afternoon - gut cramps, fever and queasiness. I was glad to get away from work at the end of the day. I spent the evening watching Family Guy at Deb's.
I stayed home from work on Tuesday in order to feel miserable in friendly surroundings. Deb brought me chicken noodle soup for lunch and Gatorade to keep me hydrated. I skipped karate.
By Wednesday I'd regained a normal body temperature, but the other symptoms remained, so I stayed home again. Deb brought tomato soup for lunch and I spent most of the day just sleeping. I also started back on solid foods at dinner.
I went back to work on Thursday and found it hard to concentrate, plus the abdominal cramps interfered. I made it through the day, but accomplished very little. I probably could have used another day off. I had dinner at Deb's with Ally and Erin.
My problems still existed on Friday, but to a lesser extent. I found that my main problem with my work is discovering how to show five tables of data in a user-friendly way that can also be used for input. So far, no luck.
On Saturday I had a meeting about the Youthworx end of year surf camp, a wedding after lunch and an afternoon at Brisbane Christian Fellowship for their musical revue "The Passage Over". Lots of fun. I felt much better, but still not 100%.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I forgot to do this in the morning.
PPS - Usually it's just part of the Sunday morning routine.

Shallow Pal

I overhear friends talk about troubles occasionally, and I have to wonder why I don't find out in a more traditional way. I'm a friend, after all. I just have to conclude that I am involved only to an extremely shallow level with everyone I know. I don't know if you're in pain and hiding it because, well, you're hiding it from me. I don't know to look any deeper because there appears to be no reason to do so.

I'm hardly going to push all of my friends to reveal their deepest, darkest pains to me. That would be rather pointless. And while I'll try to see what's going on inside, it'll go much faster with your help.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I can't read minds.
PPS - Much as I like to pretend I can.

And I'm only 30 minutes in

Having come back to work today, I regretted the decision just five minutes after stepping out the front door. I still feel ill, just not feverish anymore. Shortly after I arrived at the office I was told that I'd be moving back to my tiny desk because a drafter is coming back from leave and that the mechanical engineers are getting impatient for the vaguely-defined report they expect to get.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Depending on how I feel, today may turn out to be a half-day.
PPS - Lots of people appear to be sick around here.

Burn, baby, burn

I've come down with some sickness very suddenly that makes me queasy and feverish. I think you can guess whether I like it or not. There's also lethargy and some other symptoms not suitable for polite conversation.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - So I'm not at work right now.
PPS - I'm still wondering if it was a fair trade.

Narrow Markets

I like this Dilbert comic. You don't have to. It's okay.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Sometimes stupidity is amusing.
PPS - Usually it's annoying.

Edit: the link is broken because that's what happens to Dilbert after a month. I found another copy here, but I can't guarantee it will stay up forever.

Name That Car

My car needs a name, and I've only been able to come up with a few names stolen from TV and movies so far. The list of choices currently consists of:

Dead Reckoning
Serenity
Innocent Fishing Boat
Slave I

None of them seem particularly suitable. The number plate provides very little guidance, too - JBR. I am hesitant to just pronounce it as is, calling the car "Jabber", because that makes no sense.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I suppose it could be John's Big Rig.
PPS - That's in the same category as Dead Reckoning, though: too much for a small car.

The Sunday Mok - Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money

Last Sunday the Beyond group from church went to the Mt Coot-tha Botanical Gardens, fed some ducks and had some icecream. It was fun.
On Monday there were some problems with the B2B software I maintain, and I had to walk the ten minutes to the other office to sort it out. After about an hour and a half, I just decided to leave it until Tuesday, because by then it was 6pm.
I got a bit frustrated on Tuesday because I was being questioned about the future of my work, which has not been fully discussed with me as yet. It was as if I was asked "When are you finally getting around to this new task I've just given you?".
On Wednesday I took a look at a car - a 2004 Corolla Seca - and I bought it. I put down the deposit right then. We had the final 40 Days of Purpose study, too.
I picked up my car on Thursday afternoon and drove it home, then caught a bus back to work to finish the day. The second thing I did with the car was take Deb to Dos Amigos Mexican restaurant, then to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Friday, since there was no youth group (school holidays), I went to Deb's and finished watching Firefly. I think we watched about five episodes that night. I highly recommend this show.
On Saturday morning, I dozed in front of the Super Simpsons Weekend, then played City of Heroes for a bit. Deb and I had lunch at the Pancake Cafe, then headed to Miv's for his 26th birthday bash. We arrived at about 16:45 - technically 45 minutes late - but were still ahead of most people. We left at about 23:30, I think, then were up until 02:00 talking.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It's a good thing church is on later this morning.
PPS - I didn't sleep in that late, though.

She said, she said

A while ago, we swapped out patriarchal language (non-specific second-person pronouns were "he" and "his") for inclusive language ("he or she", "his or hers"). Now, since that seems to be too much of a pain, the pendulum kept swinging and we're moving into exclusively matriarchal pronouns ("she" and "hers"). When did it become okay to marginalise men this way? We learned our lesson. We included everyone. It was working. Now we've got to deal with the same problem all over again, but from the other side.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - This rant sponsored by the Worldwide Masculist Society.
PPS - Current WMS membership is just me.

Dark Chocolate

I had prepared myself for a much darker experience in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I was still a bit disturbed by the first sight of Augustus Gloop and the other golden ticket winners (except Charlie). They were deliberately touched up to look artificial and plastic. The stand-out of the movie is definitely the Oompa-Loompa songs, and also the way Willy Wonka kept dismissing Mike Teavee by just saying he was mumbling. I couldn't catch all of the Oompa-Loompa song lyrics, though - they were drowned out by the music.

When to see it: go to the cinema, then rent the DVD (eventually) and turn on subtitles.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Hopefully the subtitles won't just say "[SINGING]".
PPS - Though I wouldn't rule it out.

It's an homage

You can't be taken seriously in a business suit that shows off your midriff, but your presentation today is awful. You need a distraction. You may have to spend some time this morning adjusting your PowerPoint slides to put more interesting points way up high, so you have more excuses to reach up and point, once again exposing your distracting midriff. The board of directors will all be suitably impressed.

Happy Midriff Business Suit Day!

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I really do enjoy the Girls Are Pretty stories.
PPS - This entry inspired by a true story.

Scanboy

You know when you get interrupted doing something rather strange? I just decided I'd take a second to try out the colour scanning functions of our photocopier/printer. My test material was my ID badge. Initially I was alone, but after placing my card on the copy surface, two fellow employees arrived to collect printouts. Since something appeared to be temporarily wrong with the printing, I figured it would be best to make my exit. That, of course, meant lifting the lid of the photocopier to retrieve my ID badge and leaving the copy room as quickly as possible with a sheepish grin. It was as if I'd just been discovered driving toy cars around my desk or doing commando rolls around the corridors with a feather duster rifle.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Nobody's caught me doing those other things.
PPS - Yet...

It's for you

One of the most annoying noises in the world has to be a telephone that will not stop ringing. In the other office where I still must return now and then, the telephones ring loudly and people are often paged to contact reception or a particular extension. Add to that the current refurbishment works and you have a noisy office.

Here in the project office, a ten minute walk away, the phones are set to a quieter volume and there is no PA system. Things are much quieter, and I really appreciate it. I do hear mobile phones ringing now and then, but for the most part it's quiet.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Now if only the work were interesting...
PPS - I guess you can't have everything.

Debugging what is only half my fault

This morning my task is to fix a file transfer that's gone wrong. Something has happened to a server in Melbourne which denies us access to the files we need. I didn't touch that server or our program up here, and suddenly the whole thing has come crashing down. I am not permitted to touch the server in Melbourne, so I can't fix it myself if something has gone wrong there.

Of course, I can point the finger wherever I want, but I'm supposed to be responsible for getting this done. I am almost totally reliant on other people to solve my problem.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I really wish they wouldn't scream.
PPS - I loathe time pressures and deadlines.

Show-off

One thing I can't stand to listen to is bragging. If you're telling me a story about yourself with the intention of making me say "wow", chances are good that you won't get it. You'll get a disinterested yawn and you'll have to try harder to make me listen to any of your stories in future. It's because I don't care how great you think you are or how amazing your experiences have been - I care about finding out for myself.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - You don't need to puff yourself up to look big.
PPS - It usually has the opposite effect.

The Sunday Mok - I ate a big red candle

Last Sunday was Father's Day, so I picked up a cheesecake from The Cheesecake Shop and the three boys of the step-family-to-be went to Beth's with Dad for lunch.
Work on Monday was boring, following the recent trend. Database operating is neither what I was born nor trained to do. I had lunch with Deb in the park outside the office. Pizza for dinner, then a cake for Ug the Caveman's birthday.
On Tuesday, my Firefly DVDs arrived. They had to be courier-carried between the two offices, because I gave the other address when I ordered. I started getting a strange feeling in my throat, like I had a dislocated Adam's Apple or something.
Wednesday the youth group leaders met to plan out the next term so we could hand out flyers on Friday. Bible study in the evening, then stayed up a while chatting with Deb.
On Thursday I had to take a walk between the offices to troubleshoot the B2B software for which I am now solely responsible. Soon (though not soon enough) this responsibility will be outsourced. We went to dinner at the Crushers Leagues Club for the all-you-can-eat buffet. I ate too much. I started watching Firefly, and I'm suitably impressed.
I skipped lunch on Friday because we were taking the youth group kids to Sizzler that night, and two all-you-can-eat meals in two days would otherwise kill me. I was up very late chatting with Deb, and got to bed around 04:00.
I slept in on Saturday morning until 11:45. I went out shopping in the city, then hit Julie & Rory's place to celebrate Julie finishing her PhD. At a little after 22:00 I walked up the hill to Debbie's place to see most of Hitch. I stayed up a bit late again.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - So basically I've felt pretty full all week.
PPS - I think that's linked to the Adam's Apple thing.

SuperToupe

Superman wears a toupe. You can tell by the way he's started flying with one hand on his head, or that stupid "Krypton Rulz!" baseball cap he's been sporting lately. Come on, Superman, it's time to let go of your fading youth and age with dignity. Besides, a bald Superman could be rather intimidating if he set it off with some tough-guy shades. Also, in the middle of a fight, when someone breaks those cheap sunglasses, he can do like a slow, menacing glare towards the camera, and then kick it up a notch, 'cause now you've made Superman mad.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It was bound to happen eventually.
PPS - I wonder if he'd start losing his powers as he got older?

A partly-remembered face

I dreamed last night of a conglomeration of faces and names of people I have known or encountered. I bumped into this person in a supermarket and she grabbed my arm. She wouldn't let go until I remembered her name, and she gave me the hint that it was only three letters long. I eventually guessed "Nobi", which I realise is four letters long, and that confused me for a while. I think the name is a fusion of "Obi-Wan" and "Niobe" (from The Matrix Reloaded).

I'm not sure of all the pieces on which my memory drew to construct this Gestalten girl, but I think I recognise a few from primary school and NCYC. There was probably a bit of the Gospel Music Festival in there, too.

There wasn't much more to the dream than that - we bumped into each other, and eventually we were separated again, like ships passing in the night.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It feels like a cop-out to write about a dream.
PPS - Maybe I'll do better tomorrow.

So You Want To Be A Zombie

If you can stand playing a game with no sound, no graphics to speak of and no real-time action, but you still want to play in an apocalyptic zombie world, you might like to check out Urban Dead. It's free.

Personally, I started my character as a zombie, and that might not have been my best idea ever. I imagine there's a lot more to do if you're human. I'm currently wandering around, attempting to smash my way through barricades into buildings, where (I imagine) I'll be greeted by a waiting feast of brains. Mmm.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - "Brains..."
PPS - "Graargh."

New Car Smell is poisonous

Dad picked up his new car last night - a silvery Corolla - and had to lend it to me almost immediately to drive to karate. Since he was going out, he couldn't drop me off or pick me up. His face had a look of reluctance and fear because, well, brand new car. He didn't even drive it in to work today, preferring to take the bus, so that he wouldn't be parked out in the sun.

I used to hear the Pintara approaching from two streets away. Not because it was loud, but because I knew the sound very well. I don't yet know the Corolla that well (of course) and it's also quieter. That's going to take some getting used to.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I imagine I will not be allowed to borrow this car nearly as much.
PPS - Must be time to buy my own, then.

Forget-me-not

I'm a routine kind of guy, as many of you will know, so the way I handle new things or remember responsibilities is by incorporating them into my regular routine. I had this blogging thing all sorted out, then I moved offices. That move has, apparently, disrupted the delicate balance that is my sanity, and I find myself often forgetting to post in the morning, or just digging through my archives of drafts for something mostly finished.

It might be because everyone appears to be already working by the time I get in here, according to my calculations, half an hour early. I feel a certain responsibility to get right to it, and miss out on my blog posting and reading. From what I've overheard, people in this office work seven hours more than I'm supposed to, and I guess they fit it in early, because they all clear out at 5pm.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I forget what my point was.
PPS - Probably just to apologise for not posting this morning.

Yahoo Groups CAPTCHA

Yahoo Groups uses a CAPTCHA images to prevent subscriptions by bots. I had to try three times before I successfully passed the test, which made me question my own humanity and intelligence. The particular images used by Yahoo include lines crossing the letters, and these make it extremely difficult to tell what a letter is, even for a human. These tests are viewed as particularly problematic from a usability point of view. In my case I was unsure whether a pair of crossed distorted lines was a letter 'x' or just a pair of crossed lines.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Apparently, I guessed wrong.
PPS - Twice.

The Sunday Mok - You don't have to bow or curtsey

Last Sunday Dad, Beth and I went to my aunt and uncle's place for lunch, and my second-cousin Grace also showed up. We don't get to see any of them very often. Grace is 10 and amused herself making candles from a craft kit.
Monday continued the recent trend of incredibly boring work. This, as I'm sure I've mentioned before, leads me to consider programming projects outside of work hours. I'm currentle reading up on the Vassal board game engine as an alternative to Zillions of Games, which is not especially suited to games involving dice.
It was Tuesday when I found out I'd be going to the black belt grading on Saturday. I was surprised, based on what sensei Peter had seen that night and the previous Tuesday. I was expecting to wait another six months.
On Wednesday at work, Microsoft Access nearly ate all my work so far, which would have been rather bad. The step-family had dinner at a Thai restaurant for David's birthday. He's the eldest step-sibling. It had to be cut relatively short, because most of us had somewhere else to be later.
I left work a little early on Thursday to get to an extra karate class on time, but still turned up late. It was the third class I'd attended in a row that focused exclusively on kata.
On Friday at work I started on a new part of the model and determined to do it absolutely right and keep track of the abbreviated names that had to change on drawings. I met Debbie for lunch, but due to a miscommunication, we waited on different corners of the block for each other.
Saturday was the grading, which took about three hours all up. I passed, and then I wanted to sleep, but I didn't get that chance until night. Went furniture shopping in the afternoon - looking for a bookcase for me at Ikea. It's a long drive and I couldn't sleep in the car.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The grading was a tad easier than I expected.
PPS - That's either because the examiners went easy or because I'm awesome. I think it's the former.

Spawkward

When some new spamming technique surfaces on the web, someone, somewhere, coins a new term for it. These invariably start with the letters "sp" and use part of another word to make up the rest. For instance "splogging" = spamming via blogs, "splorgery" = spamming newsgroups via forged messages, "spim" = instant message spam. As you can see, these words are all awkward and nearly always require an explanation following them.

If someone had thought for just a second, we could have used other parts of the words "blog" and "spam" to give us "blam".

Mokalus of Borg

PS - What a world we would live in then!
PPS - I'd be moderately excited for a minute or two.

The other good kind of worm

I can't believe there aren't more "light side" worms on the net, that seek out vulnerable computers just like the real thing, remove any infection, and then patch the hole. At the very least I'd expect Microsoft to release their patches in this form, too, since that seems to be a really effective way of reaching lots of their customers...

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I guess being a force for good by exploiting security holes is an oxymoron.
PPS - Like a burglar who breaks in and installs an alarm system.

It's the colour of bruises and that plague they had

I've just been told that I'll be attempting my black belt grade on Saturday. So this time next week I'll either be some kind of super master, jumping backwards up into trees, or I'll be dead. That's how these things work, by the way.

Those of you that pray, crank it up now. The rest of you can send me gifts of pasta and rice. I demand offerings of carbs!

Mokalus of Borg

PS - See you on the other side.
PPS - If you want to come and watch, you'll probably have to sit outside.

From the Mokalus Dictionary

Rob Roy: A tall tale, exaggerated account or just plain lie about a relationship, romantic encounter or non-existent partner.

On Schoolies Week, immediately following the end of grade 12, my friends and I stayed at Noosa, basically hanging out at the beach and talking rubbish. One day two of us got momentarily separated from Leon and decided to play a little joke. We stayed hidden for about half an hour, keeping an eye on him while concocting a story about meeting a couple of girls. These imaginary ladies took us back to their flat, where we watched the end of the movie Rob Roy, then mysteriously kicked us out. As part of the story, we theorised that they were doing this exact thing three or four times a day.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - When Leon figured it out, he did exactly the same thing to us.
PPS - And I think that was the funniest part.

Oxymoron

I just read this phrase on Slashdot:

...a nonlethal weapon that shoots lightning bolts

To me, at least, developing a lightning gun that is nonlethal is either pointless, absurd or impossible. Take your pick.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I reckon I'm going with "absurd".
PPS - I'll probably change my mind to "impossible" later.

Boarded Up

I like board games. Something about rolling dice and moving tokens interests me somehow. What I like more than board games themselves, however, is the thought of translating them into computer programs. That's possibly my number 1 programming passtime. I believe I've had three iterations of just one particular game - Barricade (AKA "Malefiz"). I love the way unique challenges are presented by each game, and I get a geekly kick out of translating the rules into code.

I've been thinking about doing more of this recently just because my programming needs are not being met at work at the moment.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - My next board game project is likely to be Zombies!!!.
PPS - I feel compelled to mention again that the exclamation marks are part of the name, not added by me.

The Sunday Mok - Sleep is for the Weak

Last Sunday morning during the church service, I was conscious that I was singing louder without a microphone than I do with one. Therefore, when I sang in the evening service I made a conscious effort to sing at that volume. It may have been the first time ever that the rostered sound tech didn't come up and tell me to kick it up a notch.
On Monday at work I had a problem: my job is to fix potentially broken electrical drawing labels using no more information than exists on the drawings and in my head. I don't know anything about electrical engineering, so my corrections would be purely random. I asked for help.
Tuesday at work was mostly a write-off, settling in to another office, installing software and so forth. For karate in the evening I trained with the regional instructor to see if I was ready to attempt my black belt. I have to go back again.
On Wednesday I took an exploratory amble around the general street area around the office to see what's what. There's not too much there. I stayed up with Deb later than I usually would.
Thursday I was either tired or bored at work. Probably both. My job for the next couple of months is not particularly stimulating, but a programmer has to do it so any bugs in MCDB can be squashed quickly.
Friday was the LAN party at youth group. It turned out to be smaller than we would have liked, but did run smoothly.
Saturday I went running in the morning for the first time in ages. I played City of Heroes in the morning, then went shopping with Deb in the afternoon. It was a tiring day and I was dropping off around 22:30.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I can't sign in to Messenger from the new office.
PPS - I can use Web Messenger, but I don't like it.

Anywhere, Anytime, and No Way Out

If computing becomes so pervasive that we can access our workspace anywhere, there is a social danger present. Imagine a boss who is just a little, shall we say, over-enthusiastic about his work. He wakes up in the middle of the night and, deciding he'll not get back to sleep for a while, rolls over to a workstation to catch up on some figures or presentations or who-knows-what. He notices something you can do, and would do when you wake up. He calls you and wakes you up to ask for a favour, just this once.

Today, you tell him "politely" that (a) he has woken you up, (b) it is 3am and work can wait and (c) you can't get to your work now anyway. When the network is that much better that there's really no point to travelling to an office because everything there is available at home, your demanding boss can, in all seriousness, tell you to get off your arse and work, because anything you need is right there beside your bed and you can sleep later. Oh, and by the way, you might need to come in early this morning, so don't bother going back to sleep.

Some bosses today don't understand the concept of "off-duty" very well. When the office is as completely mobile as the telephone, you'll never be fully "off-duty" when you've got a demanding boss.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - And usually nobody tells them they're demanding.
PPS - Plus they're the kind of people who don't listen to that.

Who's Deb?

Just to clear up any confusion anyone has, Debbie (or Deb) is my girlfriend. All clear?

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I had previously mentioned this explicitly in comments.
PPS - That's why I felt no particular need to make a big deal of it.

The Morning News

I have two updates to give you this morning in the saga of my life:
1. I now have my own security card for the other office. Sort of. It's the loan card, but I get to keep it until I get a proper one.
2. I jumped the gun a bit when I pronounced the last day of the old car. The new Corolla is arriving on Monday.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Further applications to be in Milhouse should at least include a name.
PPS - A fake name is enough, and seems rather appropriate.

Trapped like a rat

I have moved to a new office, ten minutes down the road from the other one. They have yet to give me a security card. I require one to leave the office. Most of the building's plumbing is located on the other side of the locked door. The only people I know who could get me a card are currently not within sight.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - These are the facts of the case, and they are undisputed.
PPS - I could really use that card right now.

The Final Flight of the Pintara

Dad's bought a new car and is picking it up today, so last night was the last ride I'll ever take in the old Pintara. From now on, it's a brand-new Corolla. It's kinda sad to see it go, in a way, but it does have its problems. The air conditioning has never worked quite right, the rear-vision mirror has fallen off and the paint got splotchy. It still runs fine - it just looks terrible, and now its time is up.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I did take an alternate route home from karate, just to say goodbye.
PPS - I heard it pull out of the garage for the last time ever this morning.

Fake Punk Bands 101

In order to justify the black "VIP" wristband I was issued at AGMF (just for being so darned special, I guess) I made up a fake punk band to be in. By the end of the weekend we had an imaginary debut EP entitled "As Punk As We Can Be". I now have a full track list:
1. Second Time Around
2. As Punk As We Can Be
3. When I Get Old
4. I Live For Jesus (and also Punk)
5. Ten Days (a punk-ified Missy Higgins cover)

What we lacked was a name. I toyed with several possibilities including Robot Monkey and Zombie Peanut Butter (because I happened to have that shirt on). Finally I settled on the name "Milhouse".

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I now feel imaginarily complete.
PPS - That's the next best thing to actual completeness, I suppose.

So far it doesn't have a name

I have developed a muscle knot on my right shoulder. Of itself this would not be an unusual occurrence every couple of months, but this one is pretty huge. If I turn sideways, I can see it in the mirror. It hurts a fair bit, and I estimate it would take a skilled masseuse a good couple of hours to remove.

I don't know where it came from, but I'd really like to, because then I could inflict some kind of damage on this source, or avoid that situation in the future and spread nasty rumours about its mother.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I don't actually spread nasty rumours.
PPS - And I don't tend to inflict damage on things on purpose, either.

The Sunday Mok - It's more like "blissfully unconcerned"

Last Sunday was fairly typical - two church services and a lazy afternoon. I had some readings to do for Disciple and I got through five of the six of them.
I spent Monday at work trying to work out some algorithms for a database trick called "nested sets" that works particularly well for hierarchical data. It would greatly speed up some operations for MCDB.
Tuesday was when I started discussing the MCDB code with Jeff, the original author. At karate at night, for the first time in a long time, I didn't have fun. I think it's because there's mounting pressure to be ready for my black belt. I don't train for belts, and I never have, so I really don't like that.
Wednesday was People's Day and I went to the Ekka with Deb after a birthday lunch for Kirsty at Sizzler. I went on the Zipper ride for the first time ever, which is something I've wanted to do for years.
On Thursday I got a couple of feature requests for A+, my staff appraisals database software, so I spent most of the day working them in and making sure everything looked right. Had a Korean dinner at Deb's, complete with cultural commentary from Linda.
Friday I had to do some bughunting in A+ and we had a farewell lunch for Peter who is leaving for greener pastures. Youth group in the evening was a gender-segregated affair. The boys played dodgeball and Halo or watched football while the girls did their own thing over in the old hall.
I spent Saturday morning sleeping in after a late Friday night, then played City of Heroes until lunch. After that, I went to Deb's and watched Without a Paddle, then went out to see Kung Fu Hustle. I enjoyed both movies.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I've got some kind of tension in my right shoulder.
PPS - I think it will go away after the LAN party is done, next Friday.

A very merry unbirthday to you

We need a new birthday song. The regular "Happy Birthday" is just embarrassing for everyone, so it's time it was retired. Current candidates for replacement include:
- Singing just the first two lines of Happy Birthday, so you stop before you say a name:

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
...

- The Depressing Birthday Song (parody of Happy Birthday, includes depressed grunts and mentions worldwide despair and death).

Happy birthday. Unh.
Happy Birthday. Unh.
People living in despair.
People dying everywhere.
Happy birthday. Unh.

- The Wal E Weasel Gender-Neutral Special Birthday Song from The Simpsons. I like this one just a little bit more than the first one and a lot more than the second one.

You're the birthday
You're the birthday
You're the birthday boy or girl!

- A brand new song that has yet to materialise.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The one problem with the Wal E Weasel song is that, at the end, your tail has to fall off and catch fire.
PPS - I can't do that yet.

People's Day

The Ekka holiday is called "People's Day" because if you drop by the showgrounds that day, you can see nothing but people wherever you go. There may be some other things to see, but it's hard to tell. Often, if you're around the more crowded spots, you'll find yourself standing completely still, just holding on to other people in your group so they don't get washed away from you in the tide. Occasionally you will be assaulted by arrogant, thin younger people who will push, barge and elbow their way through the crowd to get where they're going, even if that means pushing you over onto a pram containing a small child.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It's not as bad as that everywhere, of course.
PPS - At one point, I remember seeing the ground for a second.

It's like hide and seek. Very slowly.

They've moved my vending machine again. This was a struggle earlier in the office refurbishments. Two vending machines used to live upstairs on level 2 in the Big Kitchen. One had a large selection of drinks that I enjoyed perusing and purchasing from. Earlier in the year, they moved it downstairs and it took me a week to find it again. Now it has moved from its new accustomed spot, leaving only a sad, empty electrical outlet and a big suspicious empty space. Upstairs, where it should now live again, there is a big blank wall, China-style, dividing the office.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Perhaps this time it is on the roof.
PPS - Or maybe down in the car park.

Which part of "Don't put my name on that" confused you?

As part of a visual arts display for last night's church service, I created an origami diorama. I use the terms "created" and "diorama" very loosely - I looked up a couple of patterns, folded them hastily and arranged them without much care. I was unable to work my vision in paper, so I decided I probably didn't want my name on it. When I delivered it to the church and saw the rest of the displays, my mind was made up. Amongst carefully-wrought floral arrangements, detailed paintings and a tiny silk gown sat my Amazon delivery box spray-painted green with quite simple origami models inside. I did not want to stand out against that background as the one found in the rubbish.

When I got to the service in the evening, I saw that someone had decided I needed to be identified with my "art". That made me so mad that I was about to rip the name off and probably throw the whole display in the bin for good measure. There were two good reasons I wanted my name off that piece. The first I have already expounded. The second is this: I did not want anyone looking at it and thinking about me, whether positive or negative, because that's not why we were supposed to make these displays.

In the end, I left the name on there. I don't know why, so I'm not about to try to explain. When I got my chance, I took that thing outside and tossed it in the boot of the car, lest it offend anyone else with its grotesque visage and mockery of decent craft.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It will join the city's recycling program now.
PPS - So that it may serve at least some good purpose.

The Sunday Mok - Typhoid Mary

Last Sunday Dad stayed home from church, so I drove myself. In the afternoon I did several Bible study readings to catch up. I sang in the evening service, and the sound guys kept telling me "louder" while MJ on the keyboard said that it "sounds forced, pull back". I was getting kind of frustrated, because I never asked to sing in the first place, way back when.
On Monday I started getting to grips with the program I'll be using and maintaining for the next little while, the Multi-purpose Configuration Database, or MCDB. That basically describes my whole working week, through various activities.
Tuesday after work, karate and dinner, I went over to Debbie's and got sick. Sickness was definitely not part of the plan.
On Wednesday I was trying to stave off the sickness with vitamin C, but I could feel that it had a good foothold already. We had the first of our 40 Days of Purpose small group meetings that mostly rehashed material from the daily readings.
Thursday I intended to have an early night to help get rid of this head cold. That never quite happened. I skipped dinner.
By Friday I was just too sick to make it to work, so I stayed home to rest. I watched a few movies and some TV and slept.
Saturday was much the same as Friday turned out to be, except that I started a Task Force in City of Heroes. Because of the long time investment required, I've never managed to finish a Task Force mission set, and I didn't finish this one either.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The remnant of my sickness is now a sore throat.
PPS - And low energy reserves.

Sometimes a zombie is just a zombie

I have a Google Alert set up to email me news about zombies once a day. It seems, however, that the most talked-about zombies on the net are the spam-sending PC network type and Rob Zombie.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Occasionally I get news about new video games.
PPS - Like Stubbs the zombie or Possessed.

Army of the Night

As part of a discussion about how to provide wide-coverage wireless broadband to the city of Brisbane, we went through the following iterations:
- Solar-powered autonomous planes circling the city
- The same planes with batteries to keep flying at night: "[lead] acid-filled planes"
- Acid-filled planes armed with lasers to take out birds that might befoul the solar panels (for longer guaranteed uptime)
- Acid-filled planes armed with lasers controlled by hawk brains to get that hunting instinct for free: "acid-filled cyborg hawks hunting pigeons"

Mokalus of Borg

PS - By then, the wireless broadband portion of the design was secondary.
PPS - This happens more often than I care to admit.

The Force I Believe In

Every time I casually mention to Erin that she is not, in fact, on television (a-la The Truman Show) she retorts that The Force is not real either. Usually she goes on to argue that she is on television, but I still can't have The Force. I just thought it would help to clear this up: I don't actually believe in The Force the same way it's depicted in Star Wars.

There is a Force that identifies the colours of our actions, Dark or Light, depending on motivation. When we act for selfish gain or are compelled to take a short-term advantage at the expense of long-term possibilities, that is the Dark Side. When our actions overall cost more than they produce, that is the Dark Side. When we act for altruistic purposes, build up for mutual gain and create rather than destroy, we are with the Light Side.

The Force I believe in will not tell you what another person is thinking, nor will it let you move objects with your mind, build a lightsabre or shoot lightning from your fingertips. It can, however, tell you how a particular person might act, given their Light/Dark alignment. It comes from inside you, not the universe.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It certainly doesn't come from midichlorians.
PPS - And Erin is not on television.

I want that truck

Since Tuesday is cheap movies day, now is an opportune time to post a review of Land of the Dead. I thought I'd have a problem with thinking zombies. Zombies sitting down to tea and discussing politics is one of the last things I want to see on screen unless, perhaps, they're just saying "brains". These ones are, thankfully, not quite as smart as that. They're still grunting, still shambling (relatively) aimlessly, and still having trouble with anticipating consequences. They're, well, zombies.

The upper-class citizens of Fiddler's Green live in luxury, deliberately unaware of and detached from the day-to-day struggles of the poorer people outside. The zombies start to march on the city and detachment is no longer possible. The high shots of streets overrun with zombies are sticking with me. There are explosions and gore, if you're into that, but there's plenty besides to keep the story rolling. Thoroughly recommended.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Try to guess the character names of the main zombie players before the credits.
PPS - I only got the really easy one.

It's a riveting saga, I know

The old Free Money container has had ups and downs of varying degree since its installation on my desk. When I arrived this morning, I found the bottom of the tray obscured by 5c coins. This brings the total cash count up high enough in one step that I don't know how much is there anymore.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It must be over $1.50 now.
PPS - I believe I have contributed about 40c.

The Sunday Mok - Unproductive

Last Sunday afternoon I got to catch up with Ally, a friend from ages ago, and I also watched The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. We went to the local Coffee Club after the evening church service and it seemed like everyone was particularly funny. Lots of laughter.
Monday (and Tuesday, Wednesday, etc) at work I had nothing to do but standards documentation, which is quite uninspiring. To keep myself awake I'd pick up some code now and then to tinker with it.
Tuesday I missed karate because the bus was completely full when it pulled up to my stop in the afternoon. Since the next bus was half an hour away, I hurried into the city centre to catch a different bus that ended up arriving back home at about the same time. Watched Night of the Living Dead.
On Wednesday I went to Debbie's place after dinner and caught up with Erin there. I started feeling stressed about the few extra-curricular deadlines I've got coming up that I haven't made any progress on. I'm bad at planning ahead and a chronic procrastinator.
On Thursday Debbie and I went to the Paddington Sit Down Comedy Club, which was fun. The place was rather empty, though. Must have been the fact that it was a weeknight.
Friday the youth group did the Winter Sleepout to raise money for Mission Australia. I slept inside on a couch.
Saturday was a massive day. I woke early and the whole youth group went to the 40 Days of Purpose launch breakfast. I had to sing. After that, I went home and slept until lunchtime, then went out to shop, have dinner and see Land of the Dead with Deb. Then I was awake until after midnight.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - This morning I have a headache.
PPS - It's not too bad, though.

Is it Malcolm Something?

I consistently forget Jeff Goldblum's name. Every time I see him in something new, somehow it's slipped out of my brain once again.

Of one thing I am certain, however: he was not in Fantastic Four, contrary to certain friends' claims.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - That was Ioan Gruffudd.
PPS - IMDB is such a great tool.

Zombie sprinter breaks world record - 100m in 3min

George A. Romero, godfather of zombie movies, says zombies should be slow. Personally I think that both fast zombies (Dawn of the Dead remake, 28 Days Later) have their place, as do slower "classic" zombies. I start having problems when zombies show intelligence even just at the level of tool-using. I was upset when one in the Dawn remake held a door open for another one. I got similarly distressed when I saw zombies wielding makeshift clubs in Night of the Living Dead.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - This is why I'm apprehensive about Land of the Dead.
PPS - Still excited, though. It opens today in Australia.

Jesus Christ, Zombie Hunter

Our Monday night Disciple bible studies sometimes afford interesting opportunities that I am quick to latch onto. This week, we were asked to rewrite a passage of the Bible in our own words, which means choosing another analogy, when we get right down to it. My "masterpiece" from Monday follows:

I am the Master Ninja Monk, guardian of the monastery. All who were here before me were nothing but a shambling horde of ravenous zombies. My students stayed well clear of them. Those who come and go on my watch will be safe. Though the zombies attack, I will save them. I don't plan to lose a single one - they will all live long under my protection.
I will fight to the death at the door for my students. The other teachers, who came for an easy life, fled from the zombies. My students know me. They know my flying snake-fist kung fu, just as I learned it from my own master. There are more students yet to teach, that have not yet found me, and they too are mine. They will be in the monastery under my guard, too.
My master knows I will guard my students with my life from the zombie horde - I do this by my own will, and if I am struck down, I will rise again. This is what my master taught me.
John 10:7-18. Sort of.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - For comparison, here is the real version.
PPS - It's that whole "I am the gate and the good shepherd" bit.

You-ni-kay

Since Tycho linked to it, I've played this game a few times, and it's really quite fascinating. I didn't really get it at first, and then after a couple of tries now I understand. I don't think I'll deny you that particular "Aha!" by telling you what's going on, but you really must try it.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - There's absolutely nothing to the interface.
PPS - Drag and drop. Who knew it could be addictive?

San Francisco: Zombie flashmob

Why doesn't stuff like this ever happen on my turf? Basically this group of ... "enthusiasts" dressed up as zombies to shamble along one particular street towards a train station, adding to their ranks as they went. Then they had a picnic. In a cemetary. Plus the Zombie Olympics.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I guess I'll have to start doing this kind of thing myself.
PPS - If I ever get around to it, I'll let you know.

The Sunday Mok - If it wasn't me, I'd be sick

Last Sunday afternoon I had coffee (well, I had hot chocolate) with Debbie who, because she'd been asleep, showed up about forty minutes late. I sang in the evening church service, then we went bowling where I had one shocking game and one that was just below-average. I blame the ill-fitting shoes.
Monday at work was all bug-hunting and documentation. Looking back over the work I've done in the past couple of years, I definitely see an upward trend in quality, which makes me happy.
On Tuesday at work, I fixed more bugs in our performance appraisal database software. That one's a bit tricky at times. Karate in the evening was okay rather than great.
On Wednesday night at FISH Michelle asked me to describe job satisfaction in programming. The way it sounded coming out of my mouth was as if I was describing art. It sounded strange, even to me.
On Thursday, the HR department discovered another bug in the performance appraisals database. Unfortunately, even after I fixed it, it means they have to check all four hundred records to make sure they're correct. I hate when stuff like that happens. I watched The Life Aquatic and Garden State with Debbie.
Friday our OHS manager took a look at the user guide for Homer, the safety management software I wrote for him. He quickly recommended some changes that kept me busy until the afternoon. In the evening, we had just seven kids at youth group.
Saturday I had a rehearsal in the morning, prayer meeting at noon, a not-very-exciting shopping trip, then a late lunch followed by television in the evening. As soon as I got sick of TV and tired enough to sleep, I went to bed.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I've just seen on the Video Ezy website that Firefly has doubled in price since I ordered it.
PPS - I wonder if they'll charge me the price when I ordered or when it arrives in stock.

I am made of poison

If you want to get a hoodie like mine that says "I am made of poison", you'd better order now. They're being discontinued next week (5th August).

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Hopefully it will be replaced by something even better.
PPS - Zombie Peanut Butter is still available from goats.com.

Push me, pull me

Push and Pull labels, as they currently exist in the new doors downstairs in our office, should never have to exist. We spend our whole lives using doors, pushing and pulling, turning doorknobs and using keys. We should not need to read instructions - any instructions - to open a door, even if those instructions are one word long.

A door that should be pushed should have a plate at the point where I should push. A door that needs to be pulled should have a vertical handle. That's it. If you find you need to put a sign on a door that tells people how to use it, you have failed in your chosen profession of Door Designer, and you need to go back immediately to Door Designer school to take your tests again.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Brisbane Institute of Door Design second semester enrolments close on Tuesday.
PPS - As I understand, their courses are quite comprehensive.

Harry Potter vs the zombies

I have, as yet, not entertained myself with Harry Potter anything. No books, no movies, no conversations of note. It's some kind of subconscious desire to stand out from the crowd. That's half of the reason my MP3 player is not an iPod. Now Erin tells me there are zombies in Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince. My ability to resist this franchise may be failing.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Of course, if I'm reading for zombies and not Harry, that hardly counts, does it?
PPS - And Harry wouldn't get eaten by them, I'm sure.

"You sicken me"

Today, just for a change, walk up to a complete stranger, look them square in the eye, wait for just a second, then say in a disgusted tone: "you sicken me". Walk off. Don't look back.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - This is probably a Girls Are Pretty-inspired post.
PPS - It's hard to tell sometimes.

Podcast TV = Future

Podcast audio is clearly RadioNow as far as those crazy Inter Nets are concerned, and I doubt it will be long before we get (a) pay subscription feeds and (b) public-access "television" via podcast-esque technology. The main hurdle is that most people don't have the equipment to make high enough quality video that we'd care about. Until some non-advertisement television network latches on to the idea, we'll be stuck with rubbish like FungusChat or WatchMeVacuum.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It hurts to keep my eyes open this morning.
PPS - I was up later than usual, that's all.

Zombie Infection Simulation

Given enough time, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. This zombie infection simulation is just little dots moving on the screen, but it's still interesting. The only way anyone survives forever is if they happen to be walled off completely. Zombies, simply by being attracted to movement, tend to clump together. The simulation is supposed to include panic, too.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - To me, it just looks like everyone's panicked all the time.
PPS - Except the zombies.

Paging Dr Doom

Lights in the office are going a bit nuts right now - flicking off for a second with a worrying hum. It's times like this I run down a mental list making sure I haven't royally ticked off any supervillains recently. I think I'm in the clear, but just to be sure, I'd better make a few phone calls.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - There sure are a lot of supervillain-doctors.
PPS - Maybe comic book writers have issues with the healing classes.

They're my favourites

My current favourite three Green Day songs, in no particular order:

Misery from Warning
I like the odd beat. Somehow it just grabbed me from the get-go.
Minority also from Warning
Probably the first thing that drew me to this song was the video, with the gothic cheerleaders. Also some brilliant lyrics. There's so much being said in "blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts". I just love it.
St. Jimmy from American Idiot
All energy and talking rubbish. Spectacular.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I'm not sure I've heard all of Warning on rotation in my MP3 player yet.
PPS - Probably not.

The Sunday Mok - Flame On

Last Sunday we stayed for lunch after church and I spoke to a few people on such a superficial level that I have to conclude that I have only acquaintances there, not friends. Sleep in the afternoon, then the second Contagious-led service in the evening.
On Monday, I was supposed to run some tests on Homer, our safety management software, but I ran into some problems that took a while to fix. I had to send the test participants away for a while. It didn't look good or instill confidence.
Tuesday was my family birthday dinner, and we had planned to go to a Chinese restaurant I noticed at Arana Hills, but they're closed on Tuesdays. We went across the street to a deserted Chinese place instead, which was quite nice.
By Wednesday I had finished off Homer to my satisfaction and just amused myself for the afternoon on projects semi-related to work. FISH in the evening was, I believe, the first actual study meeting of that group that I've been to.
Thursday at work was mostly taken up with a long presentation from industrial network and computer equipment manufacturer Honeywell. I'm not linking to their website because it tried to open a pop-up. I had dinner with Sam, Mia and Debbie, then a youth group meeting, all before I got home from work, so it felt like a really long day.
Friday we saw Fantastic Four. It didn't strike me as a brilliant movie at the time, just good. I think my issue is that only The Thing had any character development to speak of.
On Saturday I went to the office to fix a server. I'm glad to have it done now, especially since it was my fault it went funny in the first place. Sleep in the afternoon, then Kym's 24th in the evening. I spent most of the party playing pool or listening to conversations. I had fun.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - After I said goodbye, I had to return for my cooler.
PPS - I really have had a good week.

A trap for young players

No matter what you do, no matter how late it is and how careful you know you'll be, it is always a bad idea to try to read by the glow of your lightsabre.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Just don't say I didn't warn you.
PPS - This has been a Mokalus public service announcement.

Wide aperture, short exposure

Welcome to Jowlers, that place on the net that shows you the kind of funny faces you can only pull for a microsecond. Shake your head really fast and have someone take a picture. Send it in, maybe make people laugh. Your day is exactly as exciting as this.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Link via Apropos of Something.
PPS - I don't know how I feel about this yet. Gimme a few minutes.

Snooze

It's probably because clock radio manufacturers don't want to insult us that the big button is labelled "snooze" rather than "lazy" or "slacker". Of course people wouldn't buy such a product given the choice between that and "snooze", but what if they all said "lazy"? I'm betting it still wouldn't be long before someone decided that they could sell more by telling people that they're not lazy, just snoozing.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - In case you can't tell, I could have used another hour of sleep last night.
PPS - And the previous night. And probably tonight.

The Horrors of Necromancy

Guild Wars, a game which has recently joined Ug the Caveman's rotation, appears to be strange at times. While watching him play last night, I had a conversation that went approximately as follows:
Me: "Those things are kind of ugly."
Ug: "And he makes them into even uglier things."
Me: "At least they die face-down. And now they appear to be walking ribcages."
Ug: "With two tails. I don't know what it is they're firing."
Me: "I think they're vortices of pure pain."
Ug: "I think they're just arrows."

He continues to quest around, raising the skeletons of the dead to do his bidding. Which mostly consists of killing other things to make into skeleton minions. Exactly what this all achieves is perhaps a question best left unanswered.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - There is more about spreading disease, too.
PPS - For those tuning in late, Ug is my brother.

Multiple Choice

The bus drops you off in the middle of an active construction site. There are signs on the footpath warning you to "use other footpath". You:
a) Cross the busy road in peak-hour traffic.
b) Walk outside the traffic cones into oncoming vehicles.
c) Walk through the construction site, potentially getting injured by heavy machinery and being abused by construction workers for ignoring the signs.

I chose (c).

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I suppose I could have stayed on the bus for one more stop.
PPS - That would just have meant a longer walk to the office.

The Sunday Mok - Birthday Week

Last Sunday was the conclusion of my 26th year on your planet. The day itself was an ordinary Sunday: two church services and some sleep. I got to be in a skit in the evening service, playing the "body" half of a "body/brain duo" - action and emotion contrasted with thinking and logic. It was fun.
I spent all of Monday at work on A+, the performance appraisals database in use by our HR manager. It has fairly recently had an import of a few thousand employee records, which made it much harder to use, so I had to set up some sensible defaults for all the selection lists.
By Tuesday I was finished on A+ and started back on Homer, the safety management software. Just bug-hunting, really. I also taught my final karate class in this month-long stint as a substitute instructor.
On Wednesday I automated the tests we ran on Homer last week. Now I can complete in ten seconds by myself what took three people an hour and a half last Thursday. Dinner with the FISH group, and a round of Articulate, where the geeks had to split up onto different teams. We have access to a shared language incomprehensible to the rest, see?
Thursday I started writing documentation and online help for Homer. This is definitely not my favourite thing. It's under-stimulating work, but I know it's got to be done. Had lunch with Brant, Adrian and Brad at Jackpot Noodles, which was cool.
More online help writing on Friday, then youth group in the evening where we planned upcoming fundraising events and played dodgeball. Afterwards I dropped in to Julie & Rory's for Julie's birthday and stayed until about 01:00.
On Saturday, I went shopping, mostly for Erin's present, but I also got a new shirt, a couple of DVDs and a board game called ZOMBIES!!!. The exclamation marks are part of the name, not part of my excitement, though that is considerable. Now all I need are some friends to play it with. Erin's party in the evening where, unfortunately, many people could only stay a little while.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - As far as I know right now, everyone's birthday is in July.
PPS - As near as I can figure, I think that makes us all Hallowe'en conceptions.

Why I can't cut my hair

It's not even as if I like having long hair. It's a pain to take care of, and usually I wake up in the morning and recoil in horror from the beast in the mirror. I wonder if I should cut my hair off. Then I remember the main reason I keep my hair long: people sometimes call me by the name of a friend, "Murrae".

It's an accident. I'll grant that Murrae and I are similar personalities. At times, we even look very slightly alike - except for the glasses, height, eye colour, hair colour, hair length and beard. These last two are what I have control over, so I keep them different to Murrae as much as I can. As long as people keep accidentally calling me Murrae, I keep my hair long and my face relatively clean-shaven. It's not a choice. It's a necessity.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Only a few people claim to like my hair long.
PPS - I am often not one of them.

Force Theology

Most of my Force-derived dichotomies come from the following understanding: there are often two ways to approach a situation, and one will mean big points now at the expense of future potential, while the other will take longer and accumulate far more worth over its lifetime than a quick score can ever provide. A big flame burst versus a long, constant, warming glow. This understanding, plus the patience to carry you through and a safe place to grow and learn are all you need to start down the Light Path, my young Padawan.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - From certain angles, The Force is real.
PPS - But I can't move anything with my mind.

Charming

Making conversation this morning, I asked Jessica:
"Why do you think people hang dreamcatchers from their rear-view mirrors? Do they plan on doing much sleeping at the wheel?"
To which she replied:
"People hang fuzzy dice from their mirrors, too."
"But a dreamcatcher is a charm with a specific purpose."
"Dice have a purpose."
"Not the fuzzy ones."
There we kind of dropped the subject, but I kept wondering what my point was in the first place. If the comparison between fuzzy dice and dreamcatchers is valid, why do I find the first just tacky and the second actually idiotic? The best reason I can come up with is that I don't think these people know what a dreamcatcher is at all. (Actually, I'm probably about as far from the true understanding as they are from mine).

Mokalus of Borg

PS - So the point is that I think I started on a proto-rant without having a clearly articulated argument to make.
PPS - I should have planned ahead.

That's not cool, Microsoft!

MSN Messenger will, by design, open Hotmail and links to MS Spaces in Internet Explorer, but respects the "Default Browser" setting for other links (Default Browser, Mail, Messaging and Java settings were introduced in Windows XP Service Pack 2, and are user-settable).

When it's only called the Default browser, I guess that would be okay, but I specifically un-ticked the box that says "Allow access to this program" beside Internet Explorer. That should mean that my whole system acts just as if Internet Explorer does not exist at all. A link that specifically attempts to open in IE should be redirected to the correct browser, but Messenger stomps all over this setting.

I'd even be willing to put up with that except for one final insult: Messenger changes the Default Browser setting when I open Hotmail or a Spaces link, deliberately voiding my valid choice of what to do with my system and how it should work.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I'll probably use an alternate messaging client.
PPS - Then I'll probably lose access to the contact cards that tell me when a friend has opened up their own Spaces site.

Let Them Eat Cake

In every extended family or friend group there's a month or two that are unusually heavy on the birthdays. For me, that's July. Besides me, it includes Erin, Kym, Julie and my Dad. I've already had one cake - a lightsabre baked by Bridgit - and now I've brought a (non-lightsabre) cake to work, too. I signed on to do supper for Bible study tonight, too, just so I could bring another cake there. In a few weeks, just the mention of the word "cake" should be enough to make me gag.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - This is not counting anyone else's birthday that might crop up at work.
PPS - And I'm not even hungry.

The Sunday Mok - Build-up to a Birthday

Last Sunday was standard as Sundays go: two church services plus City of Heroes. I realised I had one week to pull together any kind of birthday celebration and wondered what to do. That's actually about as far as I got.
Monday at work was all documentation, which went really slowly and did not interest me enough. Conversation with Jessica on the bus in the morning and afternoon has dried up, simply because there's not much more small talk to dwell on.
On Tuesday I was basically convinced that I'd finished with documenting Homer, the safety management application. I did some coding for a while to keep my interest up, too.
By Wednesday I was finished with my little side-project and started on a timeline visualiser for Homer that makes the current state and past events much clearer to users. It won't make it into the first release, though. I watched the disappointing State of Origin decider at Erin's, punctuated by bits of Coyote Ugly.
Thursday was a bit different at work, so I had fun. I was running tests on Homer in the morning, then bug-hunting in the afternoon, based on what I found out in the tests. I think it felt good mostly because I had something definite to do.
Friday I finished off the small bugs in Homer and started on the new features. In the evening, we took the youth group kids to play beach volleyball, and I was pleased to see that Debbie had arrived back from the US unexpectedly.
I spent Saturday morning watching The Simpsons, then played City of Heroes for a while. Dad and I went to look for a bookshelf for me, and found nothing suitable, then I went to see Bewitched with the gang. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, just because Nicole Kidman's character was so naively cute.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I want to find someone that cute.
PPS - Today I turn 26 years old.

Goth Zombies crash LARP event

The photos.
Things I did not know about the undead:
1. They smoke cigarettes.
2. They wear cowboy hats.
3. They eat at McDonald's (the McBRAINS is to die for).

Had I known about it in time and lived on the right part of the globe, I would definitely have been in on this. For those of you that don't bother or can't look at the photos, someone sent out a call for a crowd of people to dress up like zombies and attack a regular LARP meeting. The zombie horde was, apparently, pleased with the ensuing hilarity.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - LARP = "Live Action Role Playing".
PPS - That is, nerds getting fresh air and hitting each other with styrofoam.

The Origin Of Painful Defeat

Last night was an atrocious game of football. I only watch the State of Origin matches plus the AFL grand final (sometimes) so it's a bit disappointing for one of the four games I watch in the year to be such a solid routing as Queensland got last night. The one plus is that we scored a few points at the end, avoiding the total humiliation of a nil-score game and the subsequent traditional lap of the field with shorts around the ankles. I am aware, however, that certain girls present last night at Erin's would not have considered that last part a bad thing.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Laura's announcement of changing sides halfway through the game did not go down well.
PPS - We win together, we lose together. That's the rule.

The argument for downloading television programs

The mental argument in favour of downloading television programs draws the following parallel: if I watch on my television, I pay for electricity. I pay in watching time and am blind to the ads thanks to years of internet use. The program "downloads" to my television via an antenna which picks up signals that are beamed through the air at no cost to me.
If I watch on my computer, I pay for electricity. I pay in watching time and see no ads. The program downloads to my computer via a wire which connects me to signals that are bounced around the world at no cost to me.

The one difference between the two is this: in Australia I can see new episodes of my shows from the US a full six months ahead of the Australian broadcast schedule.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - This is why television distributors are fighting a losing battle.
PPS - They need to re-think the whole situation.

Never-ending fall

Ever wonder what a rag doll might look like if it could fall forever through an infinite field of spheres? Wonder no more. Link via BoingBoing.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The internet was made for things like this.
PPS - Regardless of the original intent.

Takin' It Easy

As I walked past the neighbours' house this morning, I distinctly heard the resident teenage boy angrily yell the following at his mother:

Mum, I can't help it if I'm lazy!

Yeah, good luck with that one, Junior. As soon as you prove laziness is an unalterable psychological trait rather than a choice, there's a Nobel Prize waiting for you.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Probably two: literature and psychology.
PPS - Teenage boys say the darnedest things.

The Sunday Mok - Papa Smurf Returns Home

Last Sunday it suddenly dawned on me that, after the wedding I'll have four mour birthdays and an anniversary to remember each year. Now I may actually need to use a calendar.
On Monday I felt like Homer, our Workplace Health & Safety software, was about ready for initial testing by people other than me. Also, as the result of a last-minute decision, I saw War of the Worlds, which I thoroughly recommend. It is a bit scary, if you get scared by movies.
By Tuesday I seemed to be mostly over the cold I'd been struggling with for just over a week. Also, Dad returned home from Russia with The Beard and a large collection of authentic Russian matryoshka dolls.
I spent my Wednesday at work on documentation for Homer, and it felt slow and unproductive, probably just because I wasn't coding. I also went to FISH where we watched Mountain of Fire about the search for the true Mt Sinai. Interesting.
I spent most of Thursday hacking together a command-line tool to compare a database to the script that is meant to create it. It's useful for pointing out any changes that were made after the initial script creation. It felt better than documentation.
On Friday I had the rare experience of riding to and from work on the bus alone. It actually felt rather good, mostly because making conversation is sometimes painful, and sitting in silence trying to think of something to say is worse. So I was reading and listening to music on my Zen Micro. I also received - much quicker than I had anticipated - the Thermaltake speakers I ordered. It took about an hour to get them installed and working, and only fifteen minutes of that was the actual inserting and connecting part. The rest was re-enabling sound in my suddenly and mysteriously silent PC.
On Saturday, I felt really good. Unusually good, even. I think this was due to finally being well again, coupled with some good recharging alone time, plus the feeling of accomplishment from getting the speakers working. I went bowling after lunch and spent the rest of the day just playing games. A good day.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - This is possibly a record number of outbound links from one post.
PPS - And the first time I've included a picture in a Sunday Mok.

Today's Force Lesson

You can build an empire based on fear, and this is from the Dark Side. Your empire will likely grow quickly to a maximum size that is based on the actual amount of destructive power you wield. Your empire's growth will slow when you have intimidated all the people within your reach, because more growth means intimidating more people, which becomes harder as time goes on.

You can also build an empire based on love or trust, which is from the Light Side. These empires grow more slowly, but expand to a much larger size, because your subjects will voluntarily spread the love on your behalf, reaching areas you would otherwise miss. This kind of empire will also last longer than a fear-based empire, since it is less likely to tear itself apart due to internal dissent.

The problems occur when a young Dark Side empire meets a young Light Side empire and crushes it out of spite.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The Force is not real.
PPS - It is, however, a very useful dichotomy framework for explaining certain things.