Jesus Christ, Zombie Hunter

Our Monday night Disciple bible studies sometimes afford interesting opportunities that I am quick to latch onto. This week, we were asked to rewrite a passage of the Bible in our own words, which means choosing another analogy, when we get right down to it. My "masterpiece" from Monday follows:

I am the Master Ninja Monk, guardian of the monastery. All who were here before me were nothing but a shambling horde of ravenous zombies. My students stayed well clear of them. Those who come and go on my watch will be safe. Though the zombies attack, I will save them. I don't plan to lose a single one - they will all live long under my protection.
I will fight to the death at the door for my students. The other teachers, who came for an easy life, fled from the zombies. My students know me. They know my flying snake-fist kung fu, just as I learned it from my own master. There are more students yet to teach, that have not yet found me, and they too are mine. They will be in the monastery under my guard, too.
My master knows I will guard my students with my life from the zombie horde - I do this by my own will, and if I am struck down, I will rise again. This is what my master taught me.
John 10:7-18. Sort of.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - For comparison, here is the real version.
PPS - It's that whole "I am the gate and the good shepherd" bit.