Go Directly To Hell

Michael Miller, 47, was arrested today in his Bundaberg home, charged with impersonating God. Police say Miller had been conducting worship services from his garage, suckering faithful locals into believing that he was The Almighty.

"I can't believe it," said one worshipper who wished to remain anonymous. "He seemed like the real deal. There was smoke and bright lights and harp music and everything."

Police were tipped off when one worshipper grew suspicious of Miller's demands for offerings of pretzels and beer. The final clue was a request for a copy of Hustler magazine. "I just knew God wouldn't be into that," said the tipster.

The maximum penalty for deity impersonation is eternal damnation, though the state has never handed down such a sentence. God Himself has made no statement on the incident.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - This story is, of course, completely false.
PPS - Fictional news is fun.

Imagine a post here

This morning's post has been eaten by the Blogger Beast. The text is gone and only its ragged flesh on a skeleton remains. You'll just have to entertain yourselves today.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It was about my TV card software.
PPS - I guess it wasn't that interesting.

Logan's Fun

BB'05 introduced a pair of twins playing an amalgamation of their personalities as someone called "Logan" (which is their middle name). Every now and then, Big Brother calls a switch and the twins have four minutes to change clothes and swap information. The other housemates aren't aware of the situation ... yet.

There are several factors nudging their chances either way for noticing or not. Some of the most significant, in my opinion, are the following:
+ No set of twins is absolutely identical.
+ They won't have perfect information, so slip-ups will occur.
+ The twins can't keep it up forever.
+ The switches may eventually become suspicious.
- None of the housemates know "Logan" very well yet.
- They are unaware that anything is going on at all, so they're not looking.
- People are incredibly self-involved.
- There are some other distractions in the house to divert attention away...
+ But not that many

I'm betting it takes at least one and a half weeks for anyone to notice.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I remember it took me about a month to start being able to distinguish between twins I know.
PPS - Two months was probably when I could do it reliably.

I'm officially jealous

In the US, Land of The Dead is premiering a full six months earlier than here in Australia. A new zombie movie from the king of zombies himself, George A. Romero, and I have to wait six sodding months after it's first release to see it legitimately at all, let alone on a big screen.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Bronny, you see this?
PPS - I may need you to bring me back a DVD.

Big Bother (sic)

Have you ever tried to watch television with the audio lagging a full 90 seconds behind the video? It's nearly unwatchable. This is what has happened on my PC recording of the Big Brother launch. The sound keeps skipping ahead, trying to catch up with the video which is, unfortunately, also skipping ahead every few seconds, maintaining the gap. I've watched the first hour now (up until about eight housemates had entered the waiting room) and then stopped. This was partly due to the audio/video sync problem and also because by then it was 00:30 this morning.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I warned you it would take over my life.
PPS - It's already started.

The Sunday Mok - A funny mood

Last Sunday I went to the Uniting church for both services, because of the skit I mentioned last week. I spent the afternoon playing City of Heroes. At bowling after the evening service, we had twenty people, so we took up four lanes - our biggest group yet.
I spent most of the Monday holiday sleeping, trying to catch up on what I must have missed somewhere. I think I need some proper time off work. Bible study and more City of Heroes in the evening.
Tuesday at karate, we sparred for the first time in months, and I'd gotten decidedly rusty. Sensei Mark asked me to give blue-belted Alex a workout and I just wasn't up to it. He competes in tournaments, though, so I already know he's good.
On Wednesday I was hunting bugs in Venture, our project management website. We've just installed a proper bug-tracking program, which works well. Played CoH for a while and also watched some stand-up comedy videos on ComedyCentral.com.
Thursday was more Venture bug-hunting, interrupted by various PC issues at work. City of Heroes Feature Update 4 went live, too. I have yet to try any player-vs-player battles.
Friday I showed our HR head the staff appraisals database I'd been working on. She liked most of it, but the reports needed lots of work, so I came away with a TODO list of about twelve items. I got eleven and a half done before I left for the day. I also saw HHG2G again.
For most of Saturday I was in an odd mood, like I was tired but didn't want to go to sleep. I went to a barbeque lunch, and I wanted to hang around and sleep afterwards. I don't know how best to explain it. The closest I'm able to get is that I wanted to go to sleep in company.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I'm still sleepy now.
PPS - I'll probably take next week off work.

The strong, silent type

I'm not exactly the go-to guy for conversation. This morning I spoke not a word to my travelling acquaintance, preferring to work out a formula for the surface area of a torus in my head.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I only got halfway done.
PPS - I couldn't carry a conversation if it had handles.

A violation of bus etiquette

There are a few rules that govern polite behaviour on buses. One of them relates to seats that are three berths wide. Normally the first individual will take one end, and a second person may take the other end. The seat is now full, despite the fact that there is a third position still technically available. This is the normal procedure for operating such a seat. This morning a passenger (not me) sat between two gentlemen who were already occupying that seat in the accepted manner. Though no verbal complaint was made, the two original occupants were obviously distressed at the newcomer's lack of consideration for bus etiquette.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Part of the reason for this rule is the smallish size of the three-wide seats.
PPS - Taking the middle position first is also a definite no-no.

Where do you want to go today?

[blink, rub eyes]
...
Okay, Microsoft is working with Ford on a car that can't crash? Forgive me if I am under-enthusiastic about the possibilities.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Link via Slashdot.
PPS - I barely trust Microsoft with my data.

The Least-Aggressive Bus Driver Award

I have met a variety of bus drivers over the years, and this morning was one of those who took a very peaceful attitude towards the road and the schedule. We were stuck behind two other busses, each making more stops than us, so the sensible thing to do would be to go around them. It took a while to find a break in traffic, so naturally there was a long period of waiting. When we finally managed to pull out into the second lane, around the first bus, our driver chose to change immediately back into the bus lane, rather than continue around the second bus that was stopped a few hundred metres down the road. A few more minutes of waiting for a traffic break ensued.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - This enraged my fellow passengers somewhat.
PPS - There was, however, no cheering when we finally got moving properly.

Free Chocolate (if you're evil)!

Last week I brought a fundraising box of chocolates to work and left them in the kitchen with a sign and a coin receptacle. $1 each. You would not think this is a difficult concept to grasp, especially for adults, and especially for engineers, known for mathematical ability. I came up nearly three dollars short when the cash was counted afterwards. There are several scenarios that are plausible explanations:
1. People counted their change incorrectly.
2. People believed the sign was just a suggested donation price.
3. People did not read the sign at all, and just took what they wanted.
4. People put in what they had and intended to pay the rest later, but forgot.
5. People deliberately underpaid, relying on others to make up the difference.
Or, the most evil of all:
6. People steal from charity.

Now that is a totally foreign mindset to me. Who would steal from a fundraiser just because nobody's looking? I'm honestly baffled.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I have another box this week.
PPS - I may be locking it up overnight.

Over-emotional

I feel like something's wrong somehow. Stress, anxiety, tiredness or something else maybe. Whatever it is, I'm probably not in much of a state to make an accurate self-diagnosis, so even my speculations would be suspect. My best guess so far is that I've been under-socialised lately - creating a distance between me and the world. The walls are coming back up.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I probably just need more sleep, though.
PPS - It's worth a shot.

The Sunday Mok - Suits

Last Sunday I wore my $3 pinstripe suit to church, because I felt like it. Afterwards, it might have inhibited my bowling game slightly.
Monday I had a barbeque lunch, played City of Heroes, went to bible study and slept a bit during the day. I did nothing very ANZAC-y at all, unless you count the fact that I set a goal not to kill anyone in senseless violence and stood by it.
Tuesday I managed to get into work on an expired bus ticket. The drivers are never too alert early in the morning. I probably could have shown him a shopping docket. I worked on Venture at the office and bumped into a high school acquaintance, Bhavishna, during karate.
On Wednesday I was finishing off "A+", our staff appraisals database system. I also finally received my hoodie from wigu.com: I Am Made Of Poison.
I spent Thursday rounding off the edges of A+, getting it ready for release. I dropped in at church to pick up a script for Sunday, then played The Sims 2 until sleepy-time.
Friday I worked some of the bugs and annoyances out of Venture and also set up an automatic nightly build process, so we'll always have the most recent version available for debugging or demos.
Saturday five of us went to Shelley's 21st dressed as some anonymous Secret Service operatives, protecting Mr Present. So that was another suit day. Also, me and my towel checked out The Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Two words: Mostly Different.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The script I picked up on Thursday demands that I wear a suit again today.
PPS - Either this becomes my new thing or I get sick of it very soon.

The Useless Nonfiction Section

I am building up a very small collection of completely useless nonfictional books. Perhaps a better term is "farcical reference". Currently that part of my bookshelf contains:
A dinosaur field-spotter's guide
A Klingon-English dictionary
The Zombie Survival Guide

I have yet to obtain a copy of the travel guide to Molvania, a fictional Eastern-European country.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Suggestions for further additions are welcome.
PPS - Perhaps some alien anatomy textbooks would be good.

Electronics thought for the day

If we turn volume up and down, why does the bar on the TV go side-to-side?

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Most remote controls have the buttons vertically aligned, too.
PPS - There's probably a really good, simple reason.

Another Brilliant Idea from MokalusCorp!

People these days are so used to ignoring advertising that it's subconscious. Anything that even looks like an ad just makes our eyes slide right off it. It's wetware that's been built up over decades and now, thanks to the internet, it's a pretty darn solid part of our mental landscape.

I believe this effect of "ad-blindness" can, therefore, be used as a kind of camouflage. If I were to cover myself in enough advertising and advertising-like images, I should be able to stroll through an urban centre completely undetected! A field trial is yet to be conducted, but laboratory results have been promising.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Patent Pending.
PPS - This effect is closely related to the Somebody Else's Problem field, first described by Douglas Adams.

Freaking out

Being an impressionable young man who is slightly disconnected from reality can have serious consequences sometimes. Satire and fantasy are particularly dangerous. The Zombie Survival Guide starts its chapters with "genuine" accounts of zombie incidents, presented in a frank, straightforward, no-nonsense fashion. Knowing that the rest of the book was humour-oriented still left me in doubt about these stories. Were they genuine events that had been misinterpreted in some way? Clever hoaxes? Individual hallucinations? I couldn't be sure. What finally grabbed me was a mention of the "Lawson Film", an allegedly-genuine silent home movie of a zombie attack and fruitless escape attempt. I had to search for this artifact on the internet immediately, just to know one way or the other. I was extremely relieved to discover that all the pre-chapter stories in TZSG were entirely fictional.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Now I can sleep again.
PPS - But the door is staying braced.

First Class or Casket?

Heard on the radio this morning about a funeral company that's just introduced a new hearse to carry the mourning family as well as the casket. It's so you don't have to think about driving at such a stressful and emotional time. Twelve facing leather seats in a refitted minibus. The kicker is that it comes complete with a minibar and DVD player. I'm sure plenty of families have thought "Gee, what I need right now is to watch The Truman Show again."

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Word is the next model will be equipped with a PlayStation 2.
PPS - And wireless broadband internet.

Anthropological Studies

It has become customary recently for The Boys to go bowling after church on Sunday night. I've mentioned this before. Over the past couple of weeks, however, we've been joined by girls. Erin insists on treating it like an anthropological expedition, and has been emailing her "findings" around to the group the following day. She attributes us with simian qualities, negates any possible higher-brain functions, etc. It's quite good, very amusing, but at the same time somewhat insulting, so I put together this rebuttal and sent it around to all the same people:

The anthropological studies thus far undertaken by the below quoted researcher have been interesting, if somewhat misguided. She appears to be under the impression that her observations are objective and aloof. Her research assistant has proven incapable of observing without interfering in the bonding activities, though this is most likely due to the presence of her mate.

The researcher appeared to be attempting to blend in to her surroundings, participating in the bowling games with a style best described as "static". Clearly the game was a stressful situation, and engaging the males on their own territory put her on edge. While she managed admirably, it is probably for the best that she is unaware of the danger she placed herself in. If she had panicked at an inopportune time, the pack, smelling fear, could have attacked.

The researcher seems also to be unaware of the most basic elements of pack behaviour, offering not a single "high-five" during the entire course of the night. Butt-slapping was also noticeably absent though, once again, this is probably for the best. A poorly-executed butt-slap can result in the untimely and violent removal of a limb.

The researcher (and assistant plus mate) will be kept under observation, blissfully unaware of their participation in an intricate and ingenious social experiment, the extent of which could only be dimly perceived by them.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - This rebuttal followed the first week of Erin's actual participation.
PPS - She has not yet made a full reply.

The Sunday Mok - 24 April 2005

Last Sunday we went to lunch with some old family friends and I got to spend some time with Joanne, who's like my adopted cousin. I didn't want to leave when we did. Bowling at night, I barely managed to break 100 in each of two games.
Monday Jeff said he wanted me to do part of our presentation on Tuesday - the part about Cornerstone, our .NET software framework. I prefer to get more notice than that. I managed to play a little City of Heroes, something I've been unable to do recently. Ug's been hammering on FFXI a lot.
On Tuesday we did our presentation, and I had to do more in addition to talking about Cornerstone. That was definitely bad, because I only speak well in public with a script and had no time to prepare one.
Wednesday I started work on a new project: a database to keep track of staff appraisals, plus its web front end. After work I saw Assault on Precinct 13 and watched Battlestar Galactica when I got home.
On Thursday the appraisals database project was made official, I had the (very simple) database table structure ready and finished most of the data access layer. I did very little else that day.
By Friday I estimated that I was 75% done with the appraisals database. With Cornerstone, it's pretty much just turn-the-crank programming. Nothing too challenging. My books finally arrived from Amazon, including the Zombie Survival Guide, obviously essential reading in my world.
I spent most of Saturday watching television, which is not something I generally recommend. I did get out of the house in the afternoon, partly to look for American Idiot on DVD, because I noticed that the Holiday video leads directly into the Boulevard of Broken Dreams video, which follow in that order on the CD. I didn't find it.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I'm pretty sure it's not out yet.
PPS - It will be, though.

Elbow Etiquette

Over at Simplebits, there's a post about sharing armrests that I thought was interesting. However, my more common problem is how close I can sit to strangers on the bus. Too close and we're snuggling, too far and I fall off around sharp corners. Usually I manage to remain in place halfway on the seat by shifting down and jamming my knee into the seat in front. It's relatively safe and I don't have to worry about when the corners are coming up, so I can read. There is usually still a negotiation phase with my allotted seat-buddy.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The factors determining our sitting distance are usually gender, body mass and attractiveness.
PPS - Deciding their relative importance is left as an exercise for the reader.

Assault on Precinct 13

I caught Assault on Precinct 13 last night, thanks to a free ticket. Here's what I thought of the individual performances of the main cast:
Gabriel Byrne: Portrayed a very calculated villain.
Laurence Fishburne: I don't think Fishburne showed his range in this film. He didn't have that criminal touch - even scowling slightly most of the time would have made the difference.
Ethan Hawke: Performed pretty well. I got the impression that the role was not a major stretch for him. What that means is open to further interpretation.
John Leguizamo: Really quite good. I was impressed.
Maria Bello: Not a difficult role overall, and a decent performance.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The movie, overall, didn't suck quite as much as I expected.
PPS - There's not too much to bother with, though.

That was unexpected

Last night I cut myself with an old toothbrush. I didn't even know that was possible. Granted, I was using it in a slightly unorthodox way, cleaning under my fingernails. Still, it's not something you expect to happen. I imagine that, even if you've prepared for all kinds of situations, you'd forget to include "getting cut by a toothbrush".

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The brush has been locked up for its own protection.
PPS - My recovery is expected to be brief and easy.

Who's online?

Sometimes when I open MSN Messenger I wonder to myself "Who's online?". Immediately, without fail, a response comes to mind: "No, Who's on first. What's online."

Mokalus of Borg

PS - "I-Don't-Know's on AOL."
PPS - All of this makes no sense at all.

Dead on my feet

I've had hardly any rest since Friday morning, so now I'm shuffling around half-awake and hoping I can make it through a work day, because I don't think I can call in tired. Our work is not too stressful right now, so I think I can manage.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Perhaps a delivery from Amazon will energise me.
PPS - I'm currently awaiting two packages.

There's a reason it sank

Blogger be buggin' this mornin', yo. Fo' shizzle. I think that means something. Anyway...

I caught my first episode of Stargate: Atlantis last night, and while it's a bit interesting, I'm not sure how long it will be able to ensnare me in it's tentacles. The producers have clearly gone for the "minimise spending, maximise profit" business model. This forced the director to suggest that visually interesting things are happening off-screen rather than showing them. There was also a cringe-worthy scene between two characters outside clearly standing in front of a blue screen. I wasn't that impressed with the acting, either.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The story was okay, it just could have used better dialogue.
PPS - We'll see how it goes next week.

The Rules of Cool

I've come up with these general rules for being cool. Let me know what you think.

1. If you start out uncool, trying to become cool is powerfully uncool.
2. If you manage to become cool, you must never speak of your old,
uncool self again.
3. Cool is defined by the subculture.
4. Cool is being just like everyone else, but different enough that
you retain your identity.
5. For some subcultures, "just like us" is a very broad category indeed.
6. Cool is not your clothes. It's how you own them.
7. Faking it is not cool, unless it's a joke.
8. Uncool people cannot produce cool stuff. Someoone who produces cool
stuff is, therefore, cool by definition.
9. Being different can be cool, as long as you started out "cool like us".
10. Cool is always fresh - becoming something new all the time. Because of this, what was cool yesterday is not quite as cool today.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Feel free to suggest additions.
PPS - Remember rule 10 before you suggest a specific item of clothing.

It's all falling into place...

Darth Gerard's Plan^TM for the Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith premiere is coming together. He now has the Gold Class cinema booked. Imagine my frustration when, just days ago, I agreed to book tickets with other friends instead of, say, bringing them along with me to Gold Class to finally meet the Dark Lord of the Office.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I should really have got a photo of Darth Gerard before he left.
PPS - One of the ones with his lightsabre would have worked well.

Cheque me out update

As it stood, my previous electronic cheque proposal required widespread changes to online businesses, presumably at great cost. Those changes that catch on most quickly require change only from one end and are backwards-compatible. Therefore, I'd propose that the banks issuing electronic cheques verify those charges through the same external interface by which they perform ordinary credit card transactions. That is, an electronic cheque for use online becomes a one-use, quick-expiry very-low-limit credit card, with its own valid number, but linked to its parent account.

Here's an example: I want to buy something from SlightlyDodgy.com, an online store that is not particularly reputable, but is the only place I can find the goods I want. I go to my bank website and log in to get access to my credit card account. Let's say, for argument's sake that it has a limit of $4000.00 - clearly more than I want to risk in dealing with SlightlyDodgy.com. I instruct the bank to fill out an electronic cheque for $50, the amount of my purchase, and it issues me with a temporary card number in my name and with an expiry date 2 months from now (since card expiry dates are by month and it might be right near the end of a month). I can now go to SlightlyDodgy.com and enter the temporary card details, knowing full well that they cannot take more than the purchase price and cannot hold my card details for later fraudulent use.

The disadvantage of this system is still the same as before - it's very slightly harder to use than just giving out full access to my $4000.00 credit card. It also means that banks will issue lots more credit card numbers than they currently do, but since they expire so quickly, they can be re-used now and then.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It turns out that my original idea is not too original.
PPS - I think this is a resonable compromise.

The Great Nerd Drive of '05

Supanova. There are three kinds of people who stink: those who are covered in something smelly, those whose sweat naturally stinks, and those who smell bad because they simply do not wash. This third type is the kind you will meet at a pop culture convention. I carried deodorant and was sorely tempted to use it on more than one occasion, if only to mask the smell of these other people. Fortunately, not everyone was part of the mass of the unwashed - some were costumed instead.

The best reason to go to a convention is if you are a comic book or figurine collector. I am neither, so most of my time was spent wandering around pretending to be interested in such things. I did catch Ray Park talking about Star Wars and teaching some people to spin lightsabres, at least in theory. I also saw the first three episodes of Full Metal Alchemist, and I think I could get into anime, as long as it's about good stories. I'd definitely be interested in a Fullmetal Alchemist MMORPG.

It's good every now and then to remind yourself that there are people who are sadder than you. Seeing fourty-five-year-old men dressed as Spiderman, The Phantom and Batman really encouraged me that I am normal. The fact that I had no interest in the trading card games and could not identify most of the merchandise for sale lifted my spirits. I am, relatively speaking, grounded in reality and have normal interests.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I'm bringing nose plugs for next year.
PPS - And possibly a Jedi robe.

The Sunday Mok - Concentrated Action

Last Sunday morning was the first time since the Easter play that I'd walked into church and seen the chairs moved back to their usual configuration. That was, somehow, a little sad for me. I caught a bus home, and I saw a bus that had collided with a ute just past my stop. I would have been on that bus if I'd left church a few minutes earlier.
Monday at work was just more of the daily routine. It's getting a little bit tedious, I suppose. I played City of Heroes in the evening and got to level 14 with my second character - she can fly properly now, rather than just hovering.
Tuesday I skipped karate to attend the final church fair meeting, which started rather early - 6pm. They ordered pizza and I couldn't recall hearing in advance that there would be food. More CoH in the evening.
I spent Wednesday mostly in design mode, so the amount of code I wrote was minimal. I'd like to hear concretely exactly what we want out of this Venture system. I felt stressed, and it's the kind of stress that doesn't go away just by relaxing.
Thursday was bits and pieces of everything. Work, phone calls, leaflet delivery (for the church fair) and signing up for Relay For Life.
Friday I knuckled down at work to get the broad strokes of Venture up and running, because we want it going by next week, even if it's basic. In the evening I went to Bronwyn's farewell party and got home about 02:30. It was good to see people again, since I'm way too slack to organise such a thing myself.
On Saturday I went to Supanova. The best bits were seeing Ray Park (AKA Darth Maul) and Fullmetal Alchemist, about to be released on DVD. I'll post a fuller report tomorrow.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Tired now.
PPS - Today promises to be as busy as yesterday.

It's gonna be a long weekend

And by "long" I don't mean that there's a public holiday on Monday, either. I mean I've got a party tonight, Supanova and another party on Saturday and two church services plus a lunch and training event on Sunday. I'll probably stumble into work on Monday still asleep.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - That's assuming I catch the right bus while asleep.
PPS - Maybe I should wake up for that part.

It looks easier on the ad

Every couple of months a responsible cat owner treats their pet for the various kinds of worms that can somehow invade their bodies. We previously used some chewy meat-flavoured tablets to treat for heartworm and let the vet handle the rest. The heartworm tablets were good. Our feline friend enjoyed them. She would appear and happily wolf it down, just barely remembering to chew.

Last time we went back to buy more, they were unavailable and we got some vials of poison that treat for fleas plus four kinds of worms. That is the only sense in which they are better. Now the cat can smell it coming, and she hates it. When we can find her, she turns into a spinning vortex of razor blades and it takes three of us to hold her still long enough to squeeze out the tiny drop of liquid onto her skin. She's not even that big and she usually manages to show all three of us the colour of our blood by the end.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The vet assistant said these things were "better".
PPS - Maybe other cats are different.

An interpretation issue

I saw a brunette girl wearing a t-shirt that sported the slogan "Blondes do it Better" and I am at a loss how to interpret it. Is it self-deprecating humour? Can she not read? Is she in denial? Does she dye her hair? Better than what (or whom)? These mysteries and more, I suppose, will have to wait for another day.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Your planet is a confusing place.
PPS - Er ... I mean our planet, obviously.

The Big Brother Black Hole

The hype machine is gearing up for Big Brother '05 already. Next month I will drop off the face of the earth, once again slave to the glowing box that makes noises. I'll still be posting here, and I guess I'll still come to work, but only out of habit.

One ad proclaims "35 000 people applied for Big Brother 2005. Think you know how many are going in? Think again." Sam, upon seeing this, immediately theorised that all of them would go in. Just seal them up and say "no food - you'll have to eat each other". Mmm, cannibalism. Now that's entertainment!

I took the idea just a few steps further and imagined the biggest, most expensive, least real reality TV show ever: ZombieTown. Cordon off a massive playing field, hide food and foam/paintball weapons, hire about a thousand actors to play zombies. Last one "alive" or first one to reach the military-controlled safe zone wins, depending on which happens first. Prize is dependent on how many people arrive at the safe zone together, to encourage cooperation.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - You must have seen the zombie link coming.
PPS - Seriously, what else do I ever talk about?

A dark sense of foreboding

We have a "staff briefing" on today from 9am until who-knows-when. Last year the topics of discussion included:

• How much money our hard work is making for other people.
• How long certain people have been working hard to make lots of money for other people.
• How much the public opinion helps us make money for other people.

I fell asleep last year. This year I may bring a pillow.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The "other people" mentioned are the company shareholders.
PPS - Our managers are all shareholders above a certain level. They give the presentation.

The Sunday Mok - Another Short Week

Last Sunday I was still at AGMF, which is why no Sunday Mok appeared then. I suppose I could have done it later but, er, I didn't. It was a good day, I saw some good bands, and that's about it.
Monday we packed up and left Toowoomba. My own luggage had decreased in volume, and the girls had managed to expand. I was horrified at the way their tent was packed up. Our late breakfast at McDonald's would have been the second-last straw in a weekend load of fatty food. One more day there and I think I would have taken ill.
Tuesday was back to work, where I achieved some positive things. Karate in the evening meant being separated from the group to work on my kata. Since kata is one of the more strenuous aspects of karate for me, I was sore for a couple of days following that.
On Wednesday, besides the office grind and watching myself on video, I played City of Heroes as my defender and completed a zombie-killing mission that was giving me trouble.
Thursday the weather turned colder. Cold for sub-tropical Brisbane, that is. It's not like we can see our breath or anything. I got some real user feedback about DailyDownloads, one of my personal projects, so I spent my lunch hour fixing it up for a new release. I played more CoH in the evening.
On Friday I worked more on DailyDownloads, just up to the point where it needed debugging and tidying up before a release. I missed the first night of youth group in order to attend a cast & crew party for the Easter play, which was cool. I like hanging out with musicians and actors.
Saturday I succumbed to a kind of madness - I went into the office to finish off DailyDownloads and also scan some more of my university notes. In the afternoon I slept and cleaned out a backlog of recorded television on my PC, as well as finally getting the internal audio connector cable working for the TV tuner card. That's much better than the external version for several reasons.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - DailyDownloads is a program I wrote to get my web comics daily and make sure I don't miss any.
PPS - Available on request. ;)

LMAO

Okay, this right here contains the funniest stuff I've seen in over a month. It's from Mitch Hedberg's standup comedy, which is cool, coz he's funny. Watch the video clips in order if you've got the bandwidth. If you can only watch one, watch the last one.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Tragically, he's dead now.
PPS - That was one funny dude.

Empathise this

Checking the Big Brother site just now (because I have no life) I found this under the other info about house building status and housemate background checks:

• Ten pregnancy empathy bellies ordered.

Now either that's going to be one of the house challenges or the builders and producers are gearing up for a really bizarre launch party. It'd be really interesting to see even more detailed info there, such as "Fired the sandwich lady".

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Or "Stubbed my toe on new house foundation".
PPS - "Tested InsanityCorp 'Icy-Cold(TM)' bedroom sprinkler system".

Like your voice on tape, but worse

So last night I watched the video recording of the Easter play. In my opinion, from that distance, my performance was static and tense, like a life-size marionette with arthritis. I can understand why so many actors refuse to watch their own work, as if that makes it any better. I can also see tremendous value in it - I must know these things if I am to get better at anything I do. If I'd had the benefit of a videotaped dress rehearsal between then and opening night, I'm sure I would have done better.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I started working on improving the physical expression immediately.
PPS - Then I remembered that I'll never be performing that script again.

Resident Evil 2

Movie Review: Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Would you see it again in the cinema? Probably only if it was free.
Would you buy the DVD? Not this time.
Will you watch it again on television? Once is enough.
Good points? Girls kicking serious zombie ass.
Bad points? Weak second half.

One of my favourite passtimes is being scared to death of zombies. In a pinch I'll take an action-oriented zombie movie instead. That's RE:A - action, not horror. Technically there's sci-fi too, but it's so weak nobody should have bothered. As long as Milla was running around shooting zombies, I was happy. I'm easy to please that way. Once the Umbrella Corp bigwig got involved the movie took a downturn. I guess that's upper management for you.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I feel this movie was worth the two dollars I paid.
PPS - Plus I get to give it back now.

AGMF Annual Report

There are probably only one or two better ways to spend a long weekend than camping in Toowoomba for the Australian Gospel Music Festival. I had an awesome time and enjoyed all the music I heard. The following bands/performers are awesome, in alphabetical order:

5th Attempt
Alabaster Box
Anita Thomas
Another Day Down
Brooke Fraser
Chris Poulsen Trio
Compliments of Gus
Delirious?
The Frugals
Half Way Out
Halfway There
Hillsong United
Jael
Joel Hockey
The Lads
Light of Love
Nikki Kummerow
Nuclear Penguin
Planetshakers
Rookie
Scat
Shrimp Shack Jazz Band
Simeon
Sonicflood
Soulframe
Speaking of Sarah
Wone

I got myself signed CDs by The Lads and The Frugals, and an unsigned one by Scat. I spent most of the weekend looking through the program booklet for the words "punk" or "ska", and this has served me rather well, although I did expose myself to some jazz and straight rock, too. If you've never been, and you enjoy Christian music of any style, I definitely recommend AGMF.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I'm now sponsoring a boy in the Philippines through the Compassion organisation.
PPS - Because I can.

Real Showers Rule

I've just got back from a weekend in Toowoomba - the Australian Gospel Music Festival. I'll have a full report on your desk in the morning, sir.

I was camping on-site, which meant portable hired showers and toilets for thousands of people. The shower trailer I chose to use had tiny cubicles separated by vinyl dividers and thin shower curtains. A shelf ran down the entire length of the trailer above head height for storing personal items like clothes and towels.

Although the quality of these mobile shower trailers was better than I expected, the first thing I did when I got home was jump in a real shower where you have room to swing your elbows and can place your belongings safely a short distance away.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The trailer was inadequately ventilated, too.
PPS - So all the steam condensed on the ceiling and dripped back down.

The first rule of Anti-Social Club is...

Our office social club is currently holding a "hot" cross bun morning tea. I went downstairs and buttered two rolls, then came straight back upstairs to my desk. That's the way it works in the Anti-Social Club (membership: me). Here's the rules:

• If you want in, you're out.
• We do not actively participate in social club functions, though we are members.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - There are a few by-laws and so forth to help interpretation of the rules.
PPS - There are bonus points for being particularly ZEN and weird at social club events.

Australian Idiot

I remember being a bit disappointed with Green Day's album American Idiot at first, thinking that they had been too concerned with telling their "Jesus of Suburbia" story, but the more I listen to the album the more I appreciate it. This is not just Green Day punk rock. This is punk music. A cohesive, frankly brilliant, rock opera.

It's not packed with high-energy hits like the title track, so it takes a little more time to sink in and be appreciated. I'd say this is one of those albums that will get mentioned near the top of Green Day's discography as a defining work. It'll hang around for years, gaining fans and position in the list.

I can't speak for the future of the band, or the taste of their fans-yet-to-be, but I do believe in this album as quality, even if it's the story of Jesus of Suburbia, Saint Jimmy and Whatsername.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I often find myself queueing up the entire album for a long session.
PPS - That's really the best way to hear it.

That bug

After rehearsing for a little over two months and performing just two nights, I feel like it's not enough. I don't want to let it go. I can't stop the dialogue ringing in my head. I'm refining a performance days after it's all over.

I want to be doing this all the time. I want to live, breathe, eat, sleep and drink acting. I want regular rehearsals. I want to have to constantly be remembering new dialogue. I want to be on stage and on screen. I want to meet other actors and study with them. I want to pretend to be a new person every single day.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Perhaps this year I will enroll in a part-time acting course.
PPS - Or maybe I'll just memorise dialogue from sitcoms and repeat it at random moments.

Cheque me out

I had a thought the other day about limiting online credit card fraud: digital cheques. Imagine that I go to my bank's website and instruct them to set aside a certain amount from one of my accounts. This reserved amount is assigned a code, and that code can be given out to vendors instead of my credit card details.
Advantages: I'm guaranteed, in the worst case scenario, to lose only the amount of that one cheque. Keep credit card details safe. Don't even need a credit card, in theory. Can give cheques to others (family members, for example) to spend on your behalf.
Disadvantages: Some usability loss, still no guarantee on receipt of goods.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I'd be interested to know if any banks are already offering a service like this.
PPS - I don't think anyone is, though.

Attack of the Zombies, Mate

Movie review: Undead

Would you see it again in the cinema? If it was re-released, yes.
Will you buy the DVD? Maybe if I see it on special for less than $20.
Will you watch it again on TV? At least once more.
Good points? Zombies, Aussie humour.
Bad points? Characters that will not bloody calm down.

I say to you "Australian B-grade movie" and you'd lose interest almost immediately, I'm sure. If I say "Australian B-grade zombie movie clearly written by a fisherman" and there must be a dark pile you'd relegate it to straight away. If you then watch the first five or ten minutes of Undead, you'll be certain you were right. The whole thing is on-par for a B-grade movie, with a B-grade plot, B-grade actors and shot on B-grade film stock. Yet somehow it all pulled together for me.

The panicky cop started to irritate me a bit, mostly because every effing second effing word from his effing mouth started with 'f' and rhymed with truck, and I'm not exaggerating here. It was done for comic effect, just a bit overdone in my opinion. Despite that, it seems to work, but it is definitely a B-movie, and takes itself about as seriously as that. Check it out and gasp in horror at mid-range production values!

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The aliens definitely steal the show.
PPS - I thought the shotguns bolted together was a bit much.

The Sunday Mok - The Sick Actor

Last Sunday I definitely had the flu. My voice was failing and I was coughing, sneezing and dripping everywhere. Rehearsal in the afternoon felt all wrong to me, possibly because we jumped right in without warming up.
Monday I stayed home sick from work and spent the day watching television and sleeping. I did go to bible study in the evening and felt unfocused and lethargic.
Tuesday I went back to work, still lethargic and medicated. I was dead tired by 4pm and considered going home then, but it seemed silly to take about one hour of sick leave in a day. Brad had redesigned the application framework we were using for Venture, so I had to start getting used to that.
After Wednesday at work I needed extra sleep at home, though I did get through the day well enough. I got sick of writing database mapper classes for Venture, so I wrote one big one to take care of most of the tedious work for me and just needs to be configured.
Thursday I stayed home sick again. I think I should have taken Monday and Tuesday off instead, because that would have helped me get better sooner. I decided to cut out all my extra-curricular activities except the dress rehearsal and performance. I got through the dress rehearsal well enough, and collapsed afterwards. We did two runs right through, and the second one was the better one.
Friday I was back at work again for a relatively uneventful day. I stayed home from youth group and watched Undead on television. I didn't take any flu tablets all day and felt okay.
Saturday was a pretty big day, really. I played City of Heroes in the morning, then tried to sleep until afternoon. Dad and I went shopping briefly and I looked for the season 1 box set of Stargate SG-1, but couldn't find it. The performance in the evening went quite well, though we did skip a little bit of one scene and I left the stage too early in another, so I missed a line. Bridgit, Kirsty and Erin came to see the play, then left too quickly for me to catch them there. I cut short my participation in the pyjama party at Bridgit's afterwards due to tiredness.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - There's still time to catch the second performance.
PPS - Now I need to sleep some more.

The Rehearsal Must Go On

There is one way - and one way only - to get through a four-and-a-half hour dress rehearsal with the flu: paracetamol, pseudoephedrine and codeine. I've been sick all week, and nothing much is helping me get better. I'm swilling orange juice in enormous quantities, sleeping constantly and all the rest. Very little in the way of positive results so far, although I do have my voice back. I struggled through the Jesus play dress rehearsal last night (two full runs through) and had to be carried home in a bucket.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I'm surprised no pharmaceutical company has tried to name their flu remedy "pseudo-paraceta-coda-ephedrina-mol".
PPS - Well, not actually that surprised.

Infinite sets

For those of you that sometimes wonder what goes on in my head, let me show you a bit of it. I was thinking just now "Are there a finite number of angels?" and that got me wondering whether such a fact could be logically derived from the nature of God.

Assume that God exists and is the only being that is everywhere (omnipresent), all-knowing (omniscient) and all-powerful (omnipotent). Thus, angels are limited in space, knowledge and power individually. If they were infinite in number, then together they could be said to be everywhere, even if any individual was only in one particular place. By being everywhere as a group, they could certainly observe enough to know all the important things. And by their powers combined, (hehe - Captain Planet) they could accomplish great feats beyond the reach of any individual, and beyond even their own comprehension.

That is, as a group, an infinite set of angels could be comparable to God. This would mean either that there are a finite number of angels or that there are certain places they cannot go, certain things they cannot know and certain powers they cannot possess. This obviously begs the questions of how many angels are there or what are the specific limits on their power.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - In other words, how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
PPS - This is a question I am not qualified to answer.

DartNet

Despite the unbelievable slowdown that would occur as a result, I think it would be interesting to adapt this idea to network communication between PCs. Rather than firing foam darts across the room, however, I propose developing a vacuum tube system spanning the office and using 1GB flash drives in padded cylinders to ferry data around. It would be monumentally pointless, and therefore must be attempted immediately.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It would certainly impress the managers.
PPS - At least it's something they can see.

Games That Have Taken Over My Life

Via Apropos of Something I present the games that have become my breath during my short stay on your planet:

Space Quest: Naturally. It was in space, and that's pretty much enough to get any young'un hooked. Lasers, aliens, spaceships, a janitor: what's not to like?

Tetris: I bought a GameBoy once. I still have it. I own six cartridges for it. The only one I plugged in more than twice was Tetris, and I'm still playing.

XCOM: The first and second games in this series occupied my entire mind for a very long time. I mapped out entire levels. I developed the Ultimate Base Layout. I cracked the savegame format and wrote programs to resurrect my dead soldiers, reveal the entire mission map, rebuild bases at will and re-equip soldiers mid-mission. 'Nuff said.

City of Heroes: I am a superhero at last. Again, I am still playing.

Goldeneye: The first-person shooter for the N64, and I rocked so hard the room would tremble with my awesomeness. At least, I thought so.

Nebulus: A relatively obscure platformer for the Commodore 64, and I never owned one. I played this game at a "friend's" house after school, and I sucked, but I loved that little green bug-eyed guy.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Honorable mention to The Sims.
PPS - And possibly to Super Mario 64.

Region Coding = Bad Thing

Here's a thought about DVD region coding: audio CDs are not region-coded and everything is well in their world. DVDs are region coded and consumers complain. DVD player manufacturers produce region-free players. People buy them. People demand non-region-coded players.

In other words, consumers don't want region coding in this age of a global economy. They are used to the internet which allows them to request and receive content on their own time from anywhere in the world. When you force a break in that model, people get upset.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Information wants to be free, as in free speech.
PPS - Pirates argue for "free, as in free beer".

The Sunday Mok - Gearing up

Last Sunday I think I did rather well to stay awake during the morning church service, considering how much sleep I got the previous night. Then again, I used all my free time for the whole day to sleep, so I managed to get a fair amount in. I also had a rehearsal in the afternoon.
Monday's big event was the Green Day/Simple Plan concert, which rocked hard. I would have liked to be closer to the stage, but I guess you can't have everything.
Tuesday at work I just prepared some prototype screens for a web database we've codenamed "Panda". I like the idea of naming projects after endangered animals. It has a certain poetry to it. Rehearsal in the evening was focused on crowd scenes.
Wednesday I started nailing down the database structure for Panda. I played City of Heroes and The Matrix Online in the evening.
On Thursday we got a proper name for Panda: "Venture". We also named a set of old code "Cornerstone", because it's a good enough starting point for simple projects. Cornerstone needs some serious work, though. I skipped karate in the evening because I was feeling a little sick.
Friday I knew I was getting a cold, because I started up with a dry cough. At work we started actual coding for Venture, and I tried to incorporate some good design choices from the beginning. In the evening we took the youth group kids to play beach volleyball at Rebound at Enoggera, which was fun. It was indoor beach volleyball, though, which sounds like an oxymoron.
Saturday was mostly taken up with a tech rehearsal for the Easter play. It took about seven hours, so I was almost bored by the end. The whole thing went quite well, though, and I'm excited about how good the production will be.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Now, however, I'm definitely sick and just soldiering on.
PPS - Remember the play performance dates.

Would you pay 5 cents for a song?

Okay, it's a day old and linked from Slashdot, but it took me this long to get my thoughts in order about the music industry opposition to this idea. This article suggests that music could be made available online for just 5 cents per song, and that this would attract a great percentage of the current illegal download market. The music industry objections are that this would conscript artists into a 5-cents-a-song model (as opposed to a "you must be big enough to sell millions of circles of plastic" model?) and that it would destroy record company incentives to invest in new acts. I'd like to answer the second point in more depth.

If a song is going to be available online, the distribution costs are near zero. If a record company doesn't believe in an act, then just sign them on a percentage of online sales and put their unproduced demo up. People might happen to like it, and there you have free money, a phrase which is sure to make the little dollar signs light up in their eyes. If nobody downloads a single copy of that music, then absolutely no harm is done. You didn't spend a cent, and the band don't have to be paid because nobody cares. Harsh, but that's capitalism for you. If a band's demo does turn out to be popular, then you can spend the money on producing a "proper" album, and maybe you can even charge more for those tracks.

The point is this: not everything coming out of a music company has to cost money before it can make money. Instead of spending money evaluating demos, deciding if they'll be popular enough, producing an album, cutting CDs, producing cover art and arranging for hype and advertising, just sign everyone on percentage, and make higher-quality production decisions based on demo revenues. It's easier that way, and it will make more money for less outlay.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - All will bow before Mokalus' +1 Hat of Internet Economics!
PPS - This concludes today's lesson.

Double-sided lie

I've kept notes from university for various reasons, not just the fact that I'm a packrat. Having recently discovered the scanner at work here, I now have an opportunity to turn paper into plastic and burn my notes (to CD and into ashes). However, it seems the setting "two-sided original" doesn't cause the scanner to copy both sides of the original document, so what I ended up with this morning was a file containing every second page from one set of notes.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I was interrupted from further experimentation by someone who wanted to use the photocopier for "real work".
PPS - Whatever that means.

Easter Play

The Easter play I've been mentioning for a little while now is on in about a week. If you want to come along and see me pretend to be Caiaphas the High Priest (in a Rather Dashing Suit) and also Doubting Thomas, here's where to be and when to be there:

Place: Ashgrove Baptist Church, 7 Firhill Street, Ashgrove (Queensland, Australia)
Time: 7pm to 8:30pm on the 19th and 20th of March (same performance both nights)

Mokalus of Borg

PS - That's a week before Easter.
PPS - It's called "Jesus: Madman? Liar? God?".

Green Plan

Last night I was among the privileged thousands to see Simple Plan and Green Day play at the Brisbane Entertainment Centre. My ears are still ringing. I was shouting along with the best of them, showing total disregard for my own voice. That's the great thing about Green Day - for an hour or so, everyone's a rock star.

While the stage was being set between The Plan and The Day, a guy in a rabbit suit (drinking a beer) came out to keep the crowd warmed up. During the show itself there were enough explosions and stage effects to keep Jerry Bruckheimer satisfied, and enough music for everyone else, including many old classics and most of the American Idiot album.

Billie Joe kept moving his microphone stand down the front of the stage, and every time he left it for a second, a roadie would come and move it back. That amused me for a while.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - They found a few guys in the audience to play their instruments for a minute, too.
PPS - When Billie introduced the band members, he named himself "Asshole".

The Matrix Online

I'd like to tell you about The Matrix Online, but I am bound by a non-disclosure agreement. Fortunately, their people have provided a nifty program to sift through things like blog posts and remove unpostable material! So here's my initial impressions of The Matrix Online, helpfully censored by NDA-bot:

The Matrix Online ####### ## # ####### ############## ############ the ###### ###### ##### #####. The controls ###### #### #### ### a ####### #### ########## ## and ##### #####, ############ graphics ###### ######## ##### ### ########### #### ### ####### missions ### ###### ## ###### ### very large peacock feather painted orange.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I hope this has been enlightening.
PPS - Thankyou, come again!

The Sunday Mok - Felt kinda busy

I've felt a bit overrun at times this week, and that's one of my least favourite feelings.

Last Sunday involved church, rehearsal, sleep, church and bowling, in that order. There was also some television, painting, reading and gaming in there.
Monday at work I was researching knowledge management programs, which was interesting. Bible study in the evening and also another Stargate SG1 episode.
Tuesday I was in freeform R&D mode at work, due to an absence of projects. I looked into creating Visio extensions for most of the day, and that was as far as I got.
Wednesday was when I watched 28 Days Later, and also tried unsuccessfully to install Windows XP Service Pack 2 on our net gaming box. I should try again sometime.
Thursday I noticed a problem with our secondary internet machine, which is quite old now. I had a plan for gradual upgrades, but I might just move my own PC out here instead. At work I just muddled together some tiny utilities for my own interest and use.
Friday Jeff got us started on a project information management database, because he only has access to project information he stores himself and wants a good way to do it. For youth group, we went out to a church at Redcliffe. On the way back, we went via the airport and through Fortitude Valley, which is so wrong it's not funny. Apparently we took a wrong turn very early.
Saturday I saw Hitch, played some games and went out at night with Kym and Bronwyn, which was fun.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I spent Sunday mostly sleeping in between essential activities.
PPS - I must have caught up about three hours in total.

I want to believe

Movie review: Hitch

Would you see it again at the cinema? Yeah, probably.
Would you buy the DVD? I think I will.
Will you watch it again on TV? If there's nothing else on.
Good points? That whole thing about believing in love again.
Bad points? Embarrassment by proxy.

Hitch is definitely a good movie. It's a good romantic comedy, too. I am impressed - probably more than I expected.
There are two kinds of guys in the world: good guys and jerks. Good guys are invisible most of the time, because (a) they're terrified of messing it up and (b) they don't believe in themselves enough. You don't need me to tell you about jerks. Hitch is just a guy who knows how it all fits together and shows the good guys the ropes. It's never specific to the one situation, and it's not a lie. This is the kind of stuff that should be in the manual.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It doesn't even have to be very long.
PPS - I'll take a pamphlet, if it comes to that.

Spectacular

One-dimensional Tetris. You can play all day without even looking!

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It's the ultimate in lazy gaming.
PPS - And they actually implemented it. Unbelievable.

28 Days Later

Movie review: 28 Days Later, written last night after viewing.

Would you see it again in the cinema? Please don't make me.
Would you buy the DVD? Only if forced at gunpoint.
Will you watch it again on TV? No, thankyou.
Good points? Zombies.
Bad points? Now I won't be able to sleep for three days.

I didn't realise I was scared until I walked past the stairwell and disturbed a sheet of paper. When it hit the ground and made a noise, I jumped, in that my head hit the bloody ceiling and my heart stopped for six seconds. This is not - repeat NOT a movie to watch at home alone on a dark, quiet night.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I'm calm again.
PPS - I just watched the last fifteen minutes of Little Britain. Weird.

Red Pill

I have just been informed that my application to beta-test The Matrix Online was successful. I kind of wish I was at home so I could just start playing now.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I don't expect too much from the game, really.
PPS - Then again, I haven't seen it yet.

Musiconomics

Apparently, digital music is too cheap. I kind of disagree, as I'm sure does everyone else. It seems to me that record companies have a poor understanding of economics and their marketplace. The fact that I think there is a problem with their understanding of economics means either

• that they've learned less through real experience than I did in two weeks of university economics classes OR
• I don't understand all the factors involved.

Despite its apparent arrogance, I'm going with the first option.

I don't think digital music has reached its optimum profit point yet. Lower prices means higher demand, and up to the supply/demand equilibrium point that means more profit. My assertion is that we are currently sitting at a price above that equilibrium point.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The usual stated reason for higher prices is to keep bricks and mortar stores in business.
PPS - Something's got to give.

Handsome B. Wonderful

I've received some odd spam in my time (who hasn't?) but some that sticks in my memory is what gets through all the spam filters and firewalls and claims to be from someone with a clearly false name. The first one I received of this type was from "Weapon K. Respectable". This morning I just received one from "Reconsidering L. Hardwoods". Ah, the precious memories!

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I shall print it and frame it immediately.
PPS - Or delete it without reading it. Either way works fine.

Constantine

I thought I'd try a new review format for Constantine: a few quick questions.

Would you see this movie again at the cinema? Yes, if I was invited.
Will you buy the DVD? I don't plan to at this stage.
Will you watch it again on television? Yes.
Good points? Very well filmed (in my uninformed opinion) and interesting writing. Good effects too.
Bad points? Assistant reminiscent of Van Helsing's Carl.

I've always liked pseudo-religious mumbo-jumbo, possibly because I can usually point out where the theology differs from canon. The common mistake is dualism - the belief that God and Satan are equals at war, neither one being sovereign. I quite liked the portrayal of the Devil in this film (for his few minutes of screen time) as a white-suited man with dirty bare feet. The problem was that he should be one of the most dangerous beings in existence, and he wasn't even slightly scary.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I think the questions preclude a rating system.
PPS - That's the theory for now.

The Sunday Mok - A Week of Fridays

For some reason, every weekday this week felt like a Friday.

Last Sunday at rehearsal, I found out we're finishing with a bow, which is just not something I do at a church performance. The singers, musicians and pastor do not bow after a regular service, and I'm not doing anything much different to that. It's not about me.
Monday was slow at work, like all the other days. Bible study in the evening.
Tuesday I was rushed everywhere except work. While I was cooking dinner I had some phone calls to make, and I just barely finished them and dinner in time to get to rehearsal.
Wednesday we farewelled Darth Gerard and Brant in the traditional way: cake. We also went to lunch and to the local pub for drinks after work. When I left, the tequila shots had started, and many more were planned.
Thursday's event of note was a "trailer trash" party at Erin's, where everyone dressed up like rednecks and hicks and spoke with terrible accents all night. Apparently it was a last-minute idea.
Friday night with the youth group we went to a golf driving range at Oxley. Since we ran out of golf balls fairly quickly, we spent some time hunting cane toads. The range was right by a creek, so there were plenty around. Cane toads are about the one thing I feel absolutely no remorse about killing, even in particularly violent ways.
Saturday I went running in the morning, shopping for odds and ends and also saw Constantine (review tomorrow).

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It's been a relatively slow and uncreative week.
PPS - We'll see how interesting I am next week.

House of Flying Daggers

I caught House of Flying Daggers the other night after rave review recommendations from co-workers. Overall, I was a bit less impressed with it than I was with Hero. Where Hero was mostly about visuals, Daggers seemed to be mostly about sound, which was different and interesting. What let it down was the relatively weak plot. If you're still wowed by slow motion graphical effects, see it. Otherwise, you might as well wait and see if it comes to television.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Your home sound system might not do it justice, though.
PPS - I know mine wouldn't.

How to be annoying

Since I started work in an office, many interesting and unusual ideas have come to mind. Most of these I would not recommend actually attempting.

1. Ask "Get it?" after every joke you tell.
2. Point out often that Caramello Koala and Calvin Klein have the same initials.
3. Choose the noisiest snack foods available.
4. Leave your mobile phone on its loudest setting all the time. Never answer it. Claim you're screening calls for "potential candidates". Refuse to elaborate.
5. Any time you are asked to do something, reply with a brush-off handwave and say "I don't have time for that". Continue playing solitaire.
6. Decline meeting requests with cryptic replies like "I'm watching my figure".
7. Wear odd shoes.
8. Have a box of tissues on your desk. Every few weeks, empty it out, one tissue at a time, onto a co-worker's desk.
9. Construct thousands of paper cranes from important documents. Refer to them as your "army of the night".
10. Email a picture of a horse's head to your enemies.
11. Shred everything a day after it is handed to you, to "protect the secrets".
12. Insist on using a gaudy, headache-inducing colour-coded filing scheme.
13. Cover your desk in toys and gadgets of indeterminate purpose.
14. Install a satellite dish on your PC.
15. Re-organise your co-workers' desks, to improve efficiency.
16. Dial random extensions and hang up immediately.
17. Ask the receptionist if she'll still be there at midnight to take an "important delivery". Leave a briefcase and detailed instructions for making the trade.
18. Construct a model Eiffel Tower out of chopsticks from the local Chinese restaurant.
19. Offer to fix software problems with adhesive bandages.
20. Leave a cup of coffee on your desk for three months.
21. Turn your computer off, then call the I.T. support people and tell them you're having trouble with it.
22. Label the water cooler "urine samples".
23. Glue plugs into the hand basins in the toilets.
24. Offer to race co-workers down the corridors on wheeled chairs.
25. Construct a fort around your cubicle out of archive boxes.
26. Speak in Pig Latin.
27. Wear your sunglasses inside. Trip over everything.
28. Sell charity chocolates to raise money for your own overseas trip.
29. Booby-trap a big box on your desk. Label it "Do Not Open".
30. Exit through the alarmed fire door every day.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Pass it on.
PPS - I could write more, but I think 30 at a time is plenty.

Soylent Diesel

This Slashdot article, detailing a process to turn carbon-bearing waste into fuel seems interesting to me. It brings to mind some questions about whether this process will be micro-sized and put in the back of every toilet. That would certainly be an excellent way to avoid the slow, disgusting compost toilets of today, as long as it doesn't stink more.

I also picture a "Mr Fusion"-esque device on the back of every car, though that is likely to be way less efficient than it's worth. Probably the best idea is to supplement our car fuelling by transforming our household biowaste (food scraps, sewage, grass clippings, dead pets etc) into fuel via a micro-plant.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Not just techie, but greenie, too!
PPS - And we create a whole new installation/repair/maintenance industry while we're at it.

Whose Chair?

It's rare to find my mind working more sharply after watching a sitcom, so I was genuinely surprised by a rerun of Mad About You the other night. This particular episode starred Carl Reiner as Alan Brady, and besides providing a few genuine belly-laughs, I thought the whole episode was very well done - like a series of comedy sketches all tied together by a coherent plot. Seriously, it was some of the best writing I've seen in television in some time.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I have no idea who Alan Brady really is.
PPS - Keep the pineapple.

Tankity-Tank

Discussing what activity would best suit our section breakup, we mentioned go-karting and paintball. Together. I picture mounted guns and a track. Apparently, I didn't take it far enough. Now the plan involves micro-size tanks with supercharged paintball turrets. We need speed, too. Darth Gerard suggests balsa-wood farmhouses and families to crush because, well, he's evil. This is a definite winner. I'd pay for it for sure.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - In the time I'm writing this, we've moved on to placing zombies on the field.
PPS - I'm skipping the koala-hunting part of the discussion.

Timeshare Plot Holes

A while ago I was inspired. I had a muse. I was kickin' it freestyle, yo. Then it all went away quicker than an intelligent sitcom gets axed. I don't know where it went, but I'm guessing it's still around here somewhere. Always in the last place you look, eh?

So I was watching Buffy season 3 episode 1 last night, where some demon has some kind of steel mill or something set up in another world where "time moves more quickly". He was grabbing homeless kids off the streets and working them almost to death, then dumping them back into the "real" world. In our world, only a day passes while they age away to frailty.

The problem with this system, as I see it, is that you'd need a completely new workforce every single day on our time. If I'm generous towards Mr Industrialist Demon, he only needs fifty people for a complete workforce. Surely fifty missing people per day would start to be noticed when they all come from one small area of Los Angeles? Even if they're not, it'd be a full-time job just to round up that many people and push them into a hole in the ground - no time for the health screening and trickery he was employing.

I guess my point is that time dilation might sound cool, but it does manufacture a lot of new problems.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Just Say No to Time Dilation!
PPS - Before it's too late!

The Sunday Mok - Disbanded

Last Sunday I learned that the Ashgrove Baptist Easter play and AGMF are on different weekends, so I can actually do both, which makes me happy.
Monday at work I was figuring out a bug related to the .NET DataGrid control and cell highlighting. I don't think anyone's particularly interested in the details. Bible study in the evening.
On Tuesday I fixed that bug. Easter play rehearsal in the evening and I watched a new episode of The Simpsons instead of a hired DVD. I couldn't find anything interesting in the tiny video store across the road from the office.
Wednesday was when we got the news about our project moving and our section being cut down to four. Now Gerard, Ben and Brant are leaving this coming Wednesday, which will actually leave only three of us there. In our worst-case scenario, we become a temporary addition to the computer help desk. I don't much want to do that.
Thursday I spent thoroughly documenting part of the work I've done, and I think it came up really well. Later in the day, Fletcher asked me to tell him about that bit from a purely "black-box" point of view. How to build and deploy it without needing to understand it.
More documentation on Friday, but it looks like our work will probably just be thrown away if the project continues at all. There's a new Basic Requirements Edict from up on high that greatly simplifies the entire thing and pretty much negates everything we thought we needed to do.
Saturday I noticed I was craving chocolate, which usually means I'm losing weight and my body disagrees with the idea. I spent time in a meeting about the church fair, working out what I need to do beforehand, then went shopping for some painting supplies. I'm painting an old PC case to donate to the church fair, just to see if it generates some interest. I also gave a preview performance of one of the Easter play scenes.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It's been a rich, full week.
PPS - That's if you can count the emptying of the office as rich and full.

Grammar Nazi

Every time I hear or see someone say "would of" instead of "would have" or the "would've" contraction, it really irks me, probably much more than it should. For example, I'm still stomping around the house this morning correcting imaginary people for imaginary grammatical crimes because of a girl on the bus yesterday afternoon who made this exact mistake.

So, for everyone who's unsure, the following sentences are incorrect in the most potent sense of that word:
"I should of gone, but I didn't."
"I would of watched it, and then I fell asleep."
"I could of come over, I guess."

For the correct forms, replace "..ould of" with "..ould've" or "..ould have".

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Even just writing them down like that is distasteful to me.
PPS - It's entirely possible that my issue is more deeply rooted than grammar.

At The Races

Angry Brad: Anything is race-able.
Darth Gerard: I'm trying to think of exceptions.
Angry Brad: Not working, is it?
Bachelor Brant: What about dogs?
Me: You mean like greyhounds?
Bachelor Brant: Yeah! Oh.
Me: How about cats? They wouldn't co-operate.
Angry Brad: You'd just have to put the greyhounds behind them.
Bachelor Brant: Wouldn't a greyhound outrun a cat?
Darth Gerard: Not if it's a lion.
Me: How do you get a greyhound to chase a lion? Or would you reverse it in that case?
Darth Gerard: Yeah, so it'd go: rabbit, greyhound, lion. Man with gun. Then lion again. Then another man with a gun.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - That guy in the middle had better be the fastest man alive.
PPS - I'm guessing he wouldn't do much shooting.

The Culling

As of today our section of 8 is a team of 4 and our one project is moving to Melbourne. Apparently the decision was made a week ago, then nobody said anything for a week, while the edict trickled down from above like warm tar over stones. Adrian, Brian and Ben are already gone and (perhaps the most devastating news for this blog) Darth Gerard will be gone in another week, once the project transfer is done.

This decision was made to speed the project up and keep its budget tight, in apparent ignorance of the massive time and cash overhead that will be incurred to make the transfer happen.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - We received this news in a five-minute meeting and a four-sentence email.
PPS - The full reasoning behind the decision was, apparently, classified.

Trademark'd!

Me: Everyone's sneezing this morning.
Darth Gerard: There's never been a comic book archvillain that makes people sneeze, has there?
Me: Well, they exist, but they never rise very high. Like Dr Pepper.
Darth Gerard: Hah! Trademark. You're going to jail.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - If Dr Pepper was a villain, what would he look like?
PPS - All I can think of is a utility belt holding several pepper shakers.

Distract me

This article describes the many distractions we face in our daily lives at the mercy of our computers. I think it might be time to centralise alerts into some kind of user alert queue. We'd have one place for all programs to send alerts easily, via the operating system, and as users we could manipulate its behaviour, assigning higher priorities to alerts from some programs, setting it to only notify us at regular intervals, etc.

Not only would this free programmers from the burden of creating a notification system for every program, it would unify the alert interface for users and allow them greater control from one central location.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I do think this is a good idea.
PPS - Comments are welcome through to next month. ;)

"Critical" Notepad Bug

I seem to have discovered a new bug in Microsoft Notepad 5.1 (it may also appear in other versions). I'd report it on support.microsoft.com, but there does not appear to be a "Support Centre" for Notepad - a glaring omission. On to the bug.

To reproduce this bug, open Notepad and turn on WordWrap^tm. Now type away until you wrap around at least one line. Save the file with the cursor at the end of the line, and you should notice that the cursor moves back three characters for each wrapped line you typed. If that motion backwards takes the cursor over a line break in the process, the cursor will move back another character in addition to the others.

This bug does not appear to have been reported elsewhere, so I'm claiming credit for its discovery.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Clearly nothing good can come of this.
PPS - I expect Microsoft will release an emergency hotfix patch within a week.

Happy Love Day

I've decided to stop just short of actual bitterness and anger at This Day We Do Not Speak Of. Maybe next year my tune will change. This year I've decided to project an air of barely-contained disgust and partake in occasional acts of sabotage. My path will be littered with torn and destroyed heart decorations, as it is written.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - To everyone in love: don't you dare rub it in my face.
PPS - Even accidentally. I'm watching you.

The Sunday Mok - 13 February 2005

Last Sunday we were at the morning church service late, so rushing home, wolfing down lunch and rushing back got me there just in time for rehearsal. I sang out front in the evening service, then went bowling. I scored a disappointing 95 then a more-acceptable 153.
On Monday it was hot enough at lunchtime that I worked up a bit of a sweat walking the one block to the bank then a hundred metres or so to the Thai restaurant. Bible study in the evening, then City of Heroes. I also read some humourous stories on SomethingAwful.com about The Sims 2. The first one's better.
Tuesday's movie rental was The Village. I think I preferred The Sixth Sense. It did make me want to check out the other M. Night Shyamalan movie I haven't seen: Signs.
On Wednesday night I played Evil Genius for a while and watched the first part of the ARIA Awards that I recorded way back in October. I know that's pretty slack. I also know that, so far, it hasn't affected my life negatively, so I'm comfortable with my choice.
Thursday night's karate class ended with a few games that were more of an intense workout. Besides the fact that there were three teams racing to be the first one finished, I'd question their classification as "games" at all. I played City of Heroes, too.
On Friday I got an unexpected lift home from work, and I thought I'd take advantage of the extra time by going for a run. As it turns out, there wasn't so much extra time, so I got to the church about ten minutes late for youth group. We had another zero-attendance night. I do wonder how long we'll keep going without anyone coming.
Saturday I got up early to have breakfast in the Roma Street Parklands for Bec's birthday. When other people rocked up with gifts, I felt like a cheapskate. I stayed in the city afterwards and bought a Stargate magazine purely for the DVD, and some game cases from JB HiFi.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - The Stargate magazine is quite lame.
PPS - The introduction is written in-character as Jack O'Neill. 'Nuff said.

Giveaway

I have just received an email from the City of Heroes support staff that includes a code for 14 days of free CoH play to be given away to a friend. Rather than I decide who to send it to, I thought I'd open it up to anyone who reads here and wants to know what all the fuss is about. I'll email the code to the first person to leave a comment asking for it.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - If I don't already have your email address, you'd better include that.
PPS - I'm guessing that the 14 days have to be two calendar weeks, not just whenever you feel like it.

A saucy good time

Over lunch at the "local" Chinese restaurant, I thought I'd try pouring the remnants of my sauce all over my shirt, because I'd never given that a go before. The verdict? It's not as much fun wearing food as eating it.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I have to clean up now.
PPS - Stupid non-stick bowls.

Sorry, Sandra

We're all naturally dubious about sequels. We've been given plenty of reason. Sequels starring Sandra Bullock seem to be doubly doomed. Don't get me wrong: I'm not a Bullock detractor. I think she's done some mighty fine work, including Speed, 28 Days and Miss Congeniality.

That being said, I can't bring myself to be enthusiastic about Miss Congeniality 2 - Armed and Fabulous. Not only does the story seem contrived, but some studio "genius" has decided to also turn this into Ethnic Mismatch Comedy Number 644 as well.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - All I'm saying is that she could be doing better comedy than this.
PPS - Nothing much decent is coming out in the next few months.

PAX

One of these years I'm gonna fly my butt halfway around this big ol' rock we call home and get into Penny Arcade Expo, just for the hell of it. I'm not even that hardcore, as a gamer. I'm pretty much only into puzzles and adventures, which have recently metamorphosed into RTS and RPGs respectively, like a frog turning into a toad. Yeah, I know that doesn't actually happen. Just go with it.

If SupaNova in April is good enough, I'll just save myself a week's worth of leave and a ton of cash and be satisfied.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Something may be wrong with my posts from work at the moment.
PPS - It looks to me like my last couple of days have not shown up.

A scary thought

Combine the hypothesis that there is no life in the universe besides what has originated on Earth with the fact that George W. Bush is the most powerful man in the world and what do you get? George W. Bush is, in fact, ruler of all life in the universe. This could be a problem.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Perhaps I'm overstating the case.
PPS - I really hope so.

Fogey

Could the archaic term "ice-box" come back into regular use as a synonym for "portable cooler"? I ask because I saw it written once on the label of my Ice Break iced coffee as a prize in some competition. No doubt they chose to use it because of its similarity to their brand name, but I think it's a valid choice. Perhaps I shall start using it in that sense.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - In Queensland we tend to call it an "esky".
PPS - It's a brand name, possibly derived from "eskimo".

He'll grow into it

Just now on the way to work I saw a boy walking to school. This in itself is not unusual - there's a school nearby and I'd be surprised on a day that I didn't pass a few hundred such students. What struck me was that this particular lad was just barely over a metre tall and was carrying a backpack that could have easily contained his entire person, should that have become necessary. He was powering along under the clearly considerable weight of the pack like a trooper on a mission.

It's anyone's guess what he needs to carry that regularly fills such a capacious vessel. I'm guessing that even if he lugs six large textbooks every day, plus notepads and a pencil case, then throw in a large lunch (he's a growing boy) and he'd still have room for an emergency jumper and ice-climbing equipment.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - You know, in case the next ice age comes.
PPS - In which case he's already got a serviceable tent.

Shrimp

I went bowling last night to take advantage of Milton Tenpin's $3.50 games on Sunday nights. When I told the guy behind the counter that I wanted size six shoes, he gave me a funny look.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Size six, please."
"Really?"

He wouldn't believe me until I actually showed him my tiny, tiny feet. This could easily become my next big hangup. I mean, guys are meant to have big feet. It's demoralising to rock up to the counter with five other guys and be the only one who asks for shoes smaller than size eleven.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It's almost enough to make me buy my own bowling shoes.
PPS - If I start going more regularly, I probably will do so.

The Sunday Mok - A New Routine

This week was the first incarnation of a changed weekly routine that's going to be the norm until Easter. Now from Sunday to Saturday I have rehearsal, Bible study, rehearsal, YLD, karate, youth group, sleep.

Last Sunday was the first rehearsal for a church Easter play. I think it's all going to come together nicely. I'm playing the chief priest Caiaphas, and also the disciple Thomas. I left without saying goodbye to anyone, because I was still in a bad mood about the previous night. I went to the Coffee Club after the evening service, with Bridgit, Erin, Michelle and Scott.
Monday night was the first "Disciple" Bible study meeting. I got a bit bored in the middle, primarily because I'm a visual guy and this was all aural. After I took a break to look at some interesting things around the room, I could focus again.
Tuesday nights are now also Easter play rehearsal, which means karate has had to move to Thursdays. We were blocking out the first few scenes, just figuring out where everything should go, where people should enter and leave, etc. I also rented Resident Evil on DVD.
Wednesday night I paid very little attention to a youth leadership development meeting. That was probably bad of me.
By Thursday I was feeling a little bit frustrated with work again, because I've been working on the one bit of the project since the beginning of time. Karate in the evening was good - sensei Chris is more ready to correct me than Mark and Deb, because I've never taught him. I was "sensei John" to Mark and Deb for a year, and I think that they held on to that for a while after they took over the class and I went back to being a regular student.
On Friday night at the youth group we had one young person in attendance. I guess it's better than last week. I'm a little worried about the future of the group. On the upside, the older SLAM youth group has a healthy attendance so far.
Saturday I bought a wireless optical mouse for the secondary internet PC here at home, because we've officially run out of desk space. I needed something that could reliably track on my leg. I went to a barbeque dinner at Casa de Miv, which was also going to include semi-organised sport in the park. Because I figured I'd be getting some exercise that way, I didn't run in the morning. When the time came, we just sat around his vast backyard. My left wrist is sore for some unspecified reason, so I've strapped it up for the next few days. That usually helps.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - It was good to see everyone again yesterday.
PPS - "We should do this more often", as the old saying goes.

Compatible Beats

No music seems to match my mood today. At least, nothing on my PC. Thirsty Merc hasn't been getting much play since Green Day made it into rotation with American Idiot, but since that album really needs to be heard in one session, I'm not up for it today. Missy Higgins is a bit too ... mellow for me right now. Gerald are, frankly, better live. I guess that leaves me with Jet, who inspire my sporadic attempts at air-drumming.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I think I need to browse down in HMV.
PPS - Or the punk section of Rocking Horse.

Office Oddities

Darth Gerard: "Having a four-day weekend regularly would be good if you had outside hobbies. You can get a lot more done in four days than in two."
Veronica: "Or if you had a double-life."
Darth Gerard: "Peirce Brosnan-style."
Me: "What?"
Darth Gerard: "Jimmy Bond."
Me: "I don't think James Bond had a cover career."
Darth Gerard: "Nah, I'm pretty sure he was MoneyPenny. Have you ever seen James Bond and MoneyPenny in the same place at the same time?"
Me & Veronica: "Yes."
Darth Gerard: "Did you notice mirrors?"
...
Me: "That is probably the weirdest thing I've ever heard you say."

Mokalus of Borg

PS - We are an endless fount of meaningless drivel.
PPS - And constant strangeness.

Klutz

I'm definitely not at my most coordinated lately. Last night cooking dinner I dropped a total of four items - thankfully all non-pointy and empty at the time. I'm fumbling with remote controls, tripping over steps that aren't there, and bumping off walls like a pinball.

Tonight I have my weekly karate session. It's not looking too good.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - I'm sure I'll manage not to hurt anyone.
PPS - At least, anyone else.

Mourning Gestures

When something comes to an end, if I felt anything about it, I'll go through a mourning process, often involving anger, bargaining and sadness. When that comes to an end, I'll often feel the need to do just one more thing, and it's always different. I close off the episode by doing something outside my ordinary sphere. It usually takes a little while to figure out what that should be. This time around, I'm going to build a pressurised water pistol from various gardening equipment I'll buy at the hardware store.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Often the gesture itself has nothing to do with the subject of mourning.
PPS - And sometimes it is deeply connected.

The Office Knight

I think I have problems. I just received an email advertising free surplus foolscap ring-binders at work. The first thing I thought was that maybe I could get a whole lot of them and make some cool cardboard plate mail armour.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - With my Stapler of Justice.
PPS - Now that's an interesting City of Heroes character idea...