How to be annoying

Since I started work in an office, many interesting and unusual ideas have come to mind. Most of these I would not recommend actually attempting.

1. Ask "Get it?" after every joke you tell.
2. Point out often that Caramello Koala and Calvin Klein have the same initials.
3. Choose the noisiest snack foods available.
4. Leave your mobile phone on its loudest setting all the time. Never answer it. Claim you're screening calls for "potential candidates". Refuse to elaborate.
5. Any time you are asked to do something, reply with a brush-off handwave and say "I don't have time for that". Continue playing solitaire.
6. Decline meeting requests with cryptic replies like "I'm watching my figure".
7. Wear odd shoes.
8. Have a box of tissues on your desk. Every few weeks, empty it out, one tissue at a time, onto a co-worker's desk.
9. Construct thousands of paper cranes from important documents. Refer to them as your "army of the night".
10. Email a picture of a horse's head to your enemies.
11. Shred everything a day after it is handed to you, to "protect the secrets".
12. Insist on using a gaudy, headache-inducing colour-coded filing scheme.
13. Cover your desk in toys and gadgets of indeterminate purpose.
14. Install a satellite dish on your PC.
15. Re-organise your co-workers' desks, to improve efficiency.
16. Dial random extensions and hang up immediately.
17. Ask the receptionist if she'll still be there at midnight to take an "important delivery". Leave a briefcase and detailed instructions for making the trade.
18. Construct a model Eiffel Tower out of chopsticks from the local Chinese restaurant.
19. Offer to fix software problems with adhesive bandages.
20. Leave a cup of coffee on your desk for three months.
21. Turn your computer off, then call the I.T. support people and tell them you're having trouble with it.
22. Label the water cooler "urine samples".
23. Glue plugs into the hand basins in the toilets.
24. Offer to race co-workers down the corridors on wheeled chairs.
25. Construct a fort around your cubicle out of archive boxes.
26. Speak in Pig Latin.
27. Wear your sunglasses inside. Trip over everything.
28. Sell charity chocolates to raise money for your own overseas trip.
29. Booby-trap a big box on your desk. Label it "Do Not Open".
30. Exit through the alarmed fire door every day.

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Pass it on.
PPS - I could write more, but I think 30 at a time is plenty.