So I've been reading Chuck Wendig's blog, and occasionally he posts flash fiction challenges. I'm a bit behind on these, so this contest has already closed, but I wanted to give it a go anyway. The challenge (found here) was to have two random genres chosen for you from a list of 20 and write a flash fiction piece in the combination of those genres.
I got "splatterpunk" and "fairy tale". Therefore, I present for your disgust "A Wolf With a Chainsaw".
"WOLF!" cried the youngest pig as he crashed through his older brother's twig door and slammed it behind him. Before he could explain, the sounds of a chainsaw starting up could be heard coming steadily closer.
The pigs looked at each other with wide-eyed terror, considering and dismissing their options with great speed. All the while, the chainsaw sounds grew closer.
"He's crazy!" said the younger pig, known as Kevin. "What do we do?"
His brother, Francis, was marginally more calm. "We have to get out of here. Run to safety."
As Kevin was about to ask where they would find anywhere the maniac wolf with the chainsaw couldn't get to them, the chainsaw sound, now right outside, revved up and the walls started splintering.
RRRR! RRRR! The twigs shattered and flew away as the chainsaw carved through the wall and door, making a crazed diagonal slice. After a moment's pause, it poked through the wall again, cutting diagonally down the other way, forming a huge X in the wall. Bits of twig fell away, making some triangular holes, but it was far from a door yet.
"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!" screamed the maniac wolf, poking his snout through the gaps.
"Get away! What the hell do you want?" asked Francis.
"I want" began the wolf, licking his lips, "dinner!"
At that moment, Kevin smacked a plank of wood into the wolf's exposed snout, which withdrew quickly from the hole, howling in pain. He revved the chainsaw again, and managed to make it sound angry, as much as such things are possible.
The wolf cut more slices in the wall, making a jagged door for himself, and burst in brandishing his motorised weapon, eyes wide and bloodshot, breathing quick and shallow.
Kevin and Francis squealed and ran in opposite directions through the small house, looking for hiding places or a way out. None were good enough to evade the wolf's keen sense of smell.
He found Kevin in the kitchen, trying to shelter under the table, so he raised his chainsaw and brought it down in the middle, laughing hysterically, cutting right through the wooden surface. He had almost reached the terrified pig when Francis whalloped him from behind with a cricket bat.
The wolf yowled, then extracted his chainsaw from the table, turning it on Francis. Francis took another swipe at the wolf, but he was too slow. The wolf dodged out of the way and swung his weapon down, sawing through the pig's left front trotter. The blood sprayed out, and in his panic Francis waved the limb all over, spraying blood in all directions - over the wolf, on the walls, on the floor, over his ruined kitchen table and his younger brother, before he regained enough composure to stuff the stump under his other arm and clamp down to stop the bleeding. The wolf held his chainsaw in just his left paw for a moment to pick up the severed trotter and gnaw on it for a second. He smacked his lips in appreciation.
"Yes, little pig. You'll do very nicely."
Francis yelped and dashed for the front room, aiming for the door or the hole the wolf had made, when the door burst inwards. Francis couldn't see who it was standing there, bow and arrow raised, but it was too much. He stopped dead in his tracks and felt that this was the end. He was going to die.
A woman's voice from the door said "GET DOWN!" and Francis ducked without a second thought. He heard a bowstring release an arrow which thunked into something meaty behind him. Turning to look, he saw the wolf with a hollow shaft protruding from his heart, channelling the high-pressure blood out in great gouts, dripping from the end in blobs and spurts, pooling on the floor in front of him. The wolf, his face still a mask of surprise, his chainsaw dropped by his side, fell to the floor and flopped forwards, pushing the arrow right through and out his back.
Kevin appeared from the kitchen and called out to the shape in the doorway, "Snow White! It's so good to see you! Thank you!"
Snow White smiled. "My pleasure, pig. Now," she nocked another arrow and aimed it at him, "how fast can you run?"
So what do you think? I couldn't really figure out how to write the sound of a chainsaw. Maybe I should have just embedded a sound file.
Mokalus of Borg
PS - I'm also pleased with my pig names.
PPS - I could only think of two famous people called "Bacon", though.