Friday, 27 April 2012

Friday Flash Fiction - Positive

"Blow into the tube please."

Officer Matthews waited while the driver blew through the plastic tube on his hand-held machine and checked the reading when it made a beep. Positive.

"Sir, you've tested positive for cheesecake."

"... Excuse me?"

"Sir," the officer repeated, "My machine has detected that, at some stage in the past four hours, you have eaten at least one, probably two slices of cheesecake. I'll need you to step out of the vehicle."

"But ... is cheesecake illegal now?"

Officer Matthews sighed. "Of course it's illegal. Do you think we would go to all this trouble to pull people over near midnight and test them with our very expensive cheesecake detectors if there was nothing wrong with a bit of cheesecake now and then?"

"When did this happen? I never heard about it."

"Ignorance is no excuse. I'll need you to step out of the vehicle, sir."

The driver looked panicked, eyes darting left and right, knuckles white on the steering wheel. Matthews could tell he was going to try something stupid. He signalled to his partners nearby.

"Take your hands off the steering wheel and step out of the vehicle. I won't ask again."

His breathing gets shallow and quick, he looks left and right, well into fight-or-flight mode. Officer Matthews steps back, on alert, but lets events take their course. Tyres squeal, choking white smoke rises up, then the car lurches forward and stops dead on the chocks the other officers have placed in front of the wheels. The man in the car slumps down and finally opens the door, then rests his head in his hands.

"It ... it was just dessert."

"That's what they all say."

Mokalus of Borg

PS - Just a silly thought that occurred to me on a drive home one night.
PPS - I'm personally glad the cheesecake police don't exist.

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