He woke with the sun, eased out of bed, and picked up the horse's head that had appeared beside him in the night. With a sigh, he threw it out the window onto the growing pile. Frankly, he'd be worried if he didn't wake up next to yet another horse's head. He dressed, being careful first to remove the poisoned needles from the sleeves of his coat, then walked downstairs. He carefully stepped over the missing step and avoided using the railing that had been sawed almost, but not quite, completely off. He prepared a quick breakfast, avoiding the wide selection of poisoned foods, and boiled some water for coffee. As he took a sip and ducked a crossbow bolt that came flying in through his window, he sensed it was going to be one of those days.
Mokalus of Borg
PS - This is probably most directly inspired by the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork and the Assassin's Guild.
PPS - These are both from the Discworld books.
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